Passing
by andyhavens (Member) - published: September 7, 2007
Word Count: 67 Word Bytes: 529 Viewed: 296 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by andyhavens

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"thanks."

the word eaten by wind
as I hold the heavy door
turn to catch a whiff
of brunette and hazel
and grey wool and
iPod

young young young
slight and slightly
curved

for less time than it takes
swung glass to shut me in
her out
I forget my headache
my debt, dead, day

in scent
in vanilla
in baby powder
something something something

something young

------
______________________________________________

Check out Andy's blog on subjects creative at: TinkerX
Please do drop by. Comments tolerated. Abuse welcome.
TinkerX: Creative Flux for the Age of Content.

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Comments

The following comments are for "Passing"
by andyhavens

Chemistry Response
Woosh...Andy, this is very erotic...creates a perfect visual picture and feeling of that thought...made me feel like an intrusive receptor to your synapse moment.

( Posted by: TheRealKarmaTseringLhamo [Member] On: September 7, 2007 )

Andy passing
No better example anywhere, I don't think, of how a distraction shifts the focus...No better example , either, of how a good distraction maximizes the moment of shifted focus.

I remember you once saying in comments about your poems, that you know why every word is there. I'm guessing that the 3 somethings are a match for the 3 youngs, and then the final line sort of braids them together, but I'm not sure this works for me. I'm not sure that the symmetry of this is absolutely necessary. Can't say why not, though. Maybe I just have a preconscious disdain for the word "something" repeated 3 times, because I really hate hearing people try to quote, forget their quote, and replace it with something something something, and still think they can hold my attention...

I like what's noticed: hair, eyes, clothing, accessory. I like what I can imagine: that the heavy door is that of a financial institution, and that the forgetting of debt is at its threshold, opened/closed into the moment of distraction.

I like that you allowed wind to eat her thanks. She didn't look at you as she walked out.

And so, you, Andy the observing poet, at, what, age 40, are old???

Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: September 8, 2007 )

Of Debts and Desire

Ha! And here I was imagining this at the door of a deli, thinking all this was about the consumption of desire... nice take on the wind, Lucie :)

Very nice poem, Mr. Havens. I enjoy your moment poetry and especially your detailed sketches. I don't think you've written like this since you first started posting at Lit...

( Posted by: hazelfaern [Member] On: September 9, 2007 )

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