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Snow falls … another chapter is finished and started… the alter of doom I face do I take that necessary steps and let it be know… or do you already … Sapphires infinity… my wholeness… blue armor and arrow of one… that shield me…confine me… from my wanting… I miss you when I breathe…


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The following comments are for "For a long time."
by M

M's "For A Long Time"
(one little typo, same kind I am guilty of myself often times; Incomplete word or sentence by mistake.)

Have a great Labor Day weekend.

Blessings to you spirit brother...

( Posted by: TheRealKarmaTseringLhamo [Member] On: August 31, 2007 )

I see it ...
I see it now… I would like to work on presentation a little further, Suggestions…. :)

Thank You L~
A good weekend to you to….

( Posted by: M [Member] On: August 31, 2007 )

Suggestion For "M", Anyone Else Want To Help Here?

I would break it up something like this, if it were my poem. There are others here who are much better at the technical aspects of layout than I am, but from an visual art and read aloud perspective this is my 2cents for a layout.

"Snow falls...
another chapter
is finished and started
the alter of doom I face,
Do I take the necessary steps
and let it be known, or do you already?
Sapphires infinity, my wholeness,
blue armor and arrow of one
that shield me, confine me
from my wanting,
I miss you when I breathe"

Blessings to you "M"

( Posted by: TheRealKarmaTseringLhamo [Member] On: August 31, 2007 )

"I miss you when I breathe… "
this is a beautiful line, it hangs in the air like a perfect smoke ring, long after the rest of the poem has receded to memory... beautiful...

as to presentation, I think certain poems need breathing space between lines, and I'd favour the broken up style here... that said, a friend of mine told me recently that this "making confetti" of perfectly decent poetry is a singularly annoying habit... to each his own, I guess.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: September 1, 2007 )

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