Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search

Average Rating

(0 votes)

You must login to vote

Bipolar Disorder: A Cautionary Essay
By Kevin Limiti

I read a book called Fight Club once.

And Harry Potter.

It was really good.

Like magic.

Totally, indescribably articulate.

And not funny at all.

I read it over the course of two days. It made for good bedtime reading.

What young, auspicious, angst-ridden teenage writer wouldnít take up reading a book about guys beating the crap out of each other for fun as bedtime reading?

I slept pretty well during that time.

After I read the book I went back to my normal life, which isnít really saying much.

Iíd already seen the movie.

You know.

The one with Brad Pitt and Edward Norton? Ever heard of them?

I guess thatís the problem.

Not the solution.

We all know who Tyler Durden is. He makes soap.

He also uses soap to blow things up.

Thatís the solution, not the problem.

If you know what I mean.

Letís go back to the past. I canít sleep. Iím an insomniac. Iím a writer and Iím writing constantly. Iím obsessive. I write every little tidbit down in my big 3 subject notebook and I scribble down every little thing that pops into my mind. Iím afraid of my thoughts. Iím afraid of losing them.

I read, I write, I donít sleep, and I write again. That is my life. Was my life. Probably will be my life again at some point if I canít find away out of this mess.

Several days later, Iím in a hospital and I think that Iím gonna be famous. Iím Harry Potter, the boy who lived. Iím Naruto-kun, the writer. Here me roar.

Hospital time.

Strike a pose.

Give me unreasonable hope

But before that, things get a little messy. I remember Sarah and how her sister got hit by a car and lost her leg. I remember how Sarah used to cut herself because of it. I remember how I was in love with Sarah.

Give me unconditional love.

Give me an achy breaky heart.

She never loved me and never will.

Good olí Sarah. Whatever happened to her?

What happened to everybody. What happened to my best friend Chuck, who used to smoke weed with me all the time and now wallows in his own misery over the loss of his underaged girlfriend?

What happened to Joe?

What happened to Matt, who shot himself because he got caught selling pot brownies?

His name is Matthew Bechara.

What happened to Matt, who got hit by a car on New Years eve because he ran away from cops?

His name is Matthew Valenza.

I met a lot of people in the hospital. People that I liked. I stopped thinking about Sarah, even though I saw Sarah everywhere. Not just Sarah, but Joe. They both disappeared and I never saw them again.

I also saw Matt. Both of them. The oneís that died.

Sarah was in my head, just like Tyler Durden was in everybody who became infatuated with that movies head.

Thatís when I remember the rules.

Youíre not supposed to talk about Fight Club.

Youíre not supposed to ask questions.

Only I broke that rule. I asked everyone if they ever read the book called Fight Club. Mostly nobody did but occasionally someone would say that they saw one of the movies.

Flash back to my insomnia.

Itís the fourth of July and my Dad got his face all fucked up from a biking accident and he had to go to the hospital. Meanwhile I think Iím going bonkers because my mind doesnít stop thinking about stuff.

Donít worry, itís just the bipolar talking.

Thatís what I told my friends afterwards.

My uncle Richie recognizes this and he gives me some tea and it makes me calm down and I think Iím lucid dreaming.

But before that Iím stoned out of my mind at my friends house and weíre listening to Pink Floyd and weíre playing Stairway to Heaven backwards.

Iím kicking the shit out of someone in my favorite Japanese fighting game.

I love Japanese imports.

I bring Fight Club to Richie and he looks at it and he says that he is glad he showed me this book but he doesnít explain.

We have a bit of a therapy session. Richie does something in the psychiatry field, though Iím not sure what it is exactly.

I notice how beautiful the flowers are.

Richie tells me to hold on to that.

I do.

He also tells me that sometimes to understand Finnegans wake you have to read it from back to front.

So I do.

Holy shit.

Am I a madman? Or a genius?

I guess I was both.

Either way, I pass on Fight Club to a friend (who still hasnít read it) and a 200 dollar recording system that I was given as a birthday present., with the promise that one day he will return them if I ask for it.

If youíre reading this now, you are not wasting your life. Wasting your life is in fact a good way to not waste your life. So go ahead. Read Finnegans wake backwards. Try and learn something you donít yet know. Think you know it all? Drop out of high school and see if you do. Think you can stop smoking pot? Do it, and show the world that you can. Think youíve got a really good idea for a book? Try and market it and see if it sells. But most likely, if youíre reading this still you probably donít think it is marketable. But Iím here to tell you that if you have read this from back to front and decided you like it, itís probably worth selling. Sometimes, tedious prose gets in the way of good writing. But whose fault is that? The writers? Itís your obligation to read this all the way through and consider what you read. If you skip over parts or skim the pages of lifeís stories, you will miss important details. That is a lesson that not even a blockbuster movie can tell you.

But anyways, to get back on target what Iím trying to say is that you should read Fight Club. Itís a very important book, and will remain so for generations to come.

Fuck the movies.

Read a book.

Tell everyone about it.

Read this again.

Thatís the solution.

Insert amusing anecdote here.

Related Items


The following comments are for "Bipolar Disorder: A Cautionary Essay"
by FinnMacCool

Wow, what a trip this was....
a trip and half within the trip and I liked it. I liked the confusion, the chaos made sense to me. I liked the rambling prose within the thing...and I think I got it overall. By the way, I liked Fight Club and I like Harry Potter, the series. And I like what you did here.

( Posted by: TheRealKarmaTseringLhamo [Member] On: August 25, 2007 )

Great stream of consciousness piece. Actually kind of felt like something Palahniuk would write.

Fight Club along with The Razor's Edge are two of my favorite novels -- although they appear to be very different, their themes of alienation are very alike in their handling.

As a teenager, The Razor's Edge gave me strength growing up in a household dominated by a bi-polar-manic/depressive mother. Later in life, Fight Club gave me strength to carry on in a world where different is not appreciated -- believe me the police world does not support different.

This was a good piece, but don't just read Fight Club -- deconstruct it, see what makes it work. I once took a Dick Francis paperback, tore out all the pages and spread them out on the floor, and then went through them to see how and where plot points were made and constructed. It was the biggest plotting lesson I ever learned.


( Posted by: bish8 [Member] On: August 26, 2007 )

Fight Club
Finn -

If you enjoyed Fight Club, which you apparently did, check out the just published Bad Monkeys. It's a hoot in the same anarchist way.


( Posted by: bish8 [Member] On: August 28, 2007 )

Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.