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By Kevin Limiti
Yeah thatís right.
Iím here to tell you all about food.
Whatís wrong with food?
Well, nothingís wrong with food.
So why are you here again Uncle Henry?
Well besides banging your mother (ba-dum bang) Iím here to tell you that food is good for you. You should eat it with every meal. And twice on Sundays.
Yeah really. Itís the hip thing to do!
This message is brought to you by the I Fucked Your Mom society.
It was paid for by you people.
The government spent your money to pay for a commercial about eating food.
How fucked up is that shit?
Insert crappy musical number here.
Insert amusing anecdote here.