Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
0.00

(0 votes)

You must login to vote

Pills.
Condensed, Bite-sized tablets,
Made to alter the entire feeling,
Of ones body and mind.

Mother relied on them,
Father refused them,
And my curiosity,
Of feeling something different,
Is yet to be restrained.

Brothers never needed them,
Brothers rarely asked for them,
Unless feeling a little,
Uneasy,
Or
Under the weather.

But my friends.
My friends are stupid ones.
My friends are ridiculous ones,
My friends are the ones,
You tell yourself you’ll never be surrounded by,
When your about 12 years old.

See it is my friends who are responsible,
For the altering of my own opinions.

My friends knock the head off my shoulders,
Tell me to buck up and live.

“You won’t die, you idiot.”

It’s said to reassure me.

“My mom took 68 Zoloft and still survived.”

Now here’s where it gets difficult.
When I know she isn’t lying,
And the subject is still as delicate.
As a blossoming flower,
In the path of a May Storm.

She swallows a good five.

I hold two under my tongue,
Until I’m caught red-mouthed,
And forced to take another drink.
Forced to take another pill.

Forced to come to the realization,
That there never was any force.

Rather just a reckless moron,
Scared to lose another best friend.

“Live with no regrets”

She says,

“You know how fast eight weeks goes by?”





Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "The pills"
by Essence

"Live with no regrets"
I found this a rather thoughtful, sensitive poem... what works for me is the inventorying of personal relationships, between the narrator and those around her/him and their relationship with the “pills”… the eighth stanza is particularly touching, and hints at an understanding of the pain that lies at the heart of the friend’s excess…

Dialogue doesn’t always work, but it does here, I think… offers insight, does this. enjoyed.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: August 15, 2007 )

The Pills
Excellent.

( Posted by: TheRealKarmaTseringLhamo [Member] On: August 15, 2007 )

Life touches
The pills, in the beginning, are quite benign as you explain they are easy to ignore for some. then, somehow by the middle the pills are beginning to take hold, and by the end why, yes, you've managed to do just what you were trying to NOT do, all because the pills have more power than we first thought.

A nice poem, and pretty daring I think. There are some cliche lines that could be changed, deleted, or re-written (the blossoming flower in the path of a May storm). I think after this one cools a little you should jump right into the middle of it and rearrange some of the lines; a lot of times when you do that with a poem the weaker or cliche pieces will float to the surface.

It sounds easy, I guess if it was everybody would be writing, eh?

Good job

BW

( Posted by: BWOz [Member] On: August 17, 2007 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: