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Like a face in crystal sand
Pain smiles back
Piercing the crab
Watering down the veins.
Like a charm drifting upon morning mist
She disappears barefoot
Trampling on cotton buds
Carried along salt air.
Like an eye full of poison
He tip toes with steam
Knocking cares beyond reach.
Like a distant train Love collides
Vanishing like smoke
Never to be missed.

------
C.lynagh


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Comments

The following comments are for "Once"
by C.Lynagh

Once
I like this 'Once', elements of fairy-tale and fable, also of first and last and only, never to be repeated, terminal... the body of the work suggests all this to me...

not so stuck on the lines "Watering down the veins." and "Like a charm drifting upon morning mist." not sure why. maybe because "watering down" is too weak a phrase for a poem that contains trampling and piercing, knocking and colliding? and because "morning mist" sounds like an air freshener to me (I'm odd)...

what really shines out are the disappearing barefoot- so vulnerable and yet defiant, and the cares being knocked beyond reach- "knocked", in and of itself such a careless word, is just so apt...

I probably don't "get" this poem, but I sense many possibilities, and I'm taking from it the fact that there's a freedom in never being missed. enjoyed. thank you.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: August 14, 2007 )

reply :-)
I very much appreciate your comments and have to say I probably agree with you over the two lines, they could do with some stronger words. I'll see what I can muster. Thanks again, C

( Posted by: C.Lynagh [Member] On: August 14, 2007 )





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