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a fortune smoke in filthy fingers;
red and sucked in smiling smouth;
his black-beard like the king of hearts;
meditative at the art of top hat filled with change;
each passing person a friend;
clinging coins play the anthem of a benevolent universe.


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Comments

The following comments are for "vivacious vagrant"
by Seanspacey

Your poem has potential
This is overall an excellent free verse poem, probably one of the best I've read. Very intelligently constructed. Your word choice and phrasing makes your vagrant come alive in a distinct way. Just a couple of little things to revise, in my opinion. I think you can nix the hyphen for black beard, and adding the article "a" to the line "meditative..." so it reads:

"meditative at the art of a top hat filled with change;"

To me, it seems to get rid of the choppiness in that line. At first, I thought you had overused the semicolon between lines, but later realized it really helps unify the poem. Good job overall!

( Posted by: pinoy_celt [Member] On: January 14, 2003 )





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