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I'll paint you a picture...

Im gonna do it,
im gonna show you what its about,
im gonna make you look into my eyes,
im gonna excite you, no doubt.

Im probley going to cry,
you'll probley think you've died,
once i paint you the piture,
of what it will be like.

We will start out small,
and save our money up,
live in an aparment for a while,
and never give up.

Once we have enough saved,
We will move away,
start a family together,
and be happy we decided to wait.

I will marry you,
once done with highschool,
it sounds crazy,
but we know it will work.

because we love eachother,
and will never give up,
we will live sparigly,
and be on our, with only love.

We will wait to have children,
until the time is right,
and then give them all they need,
and try to raise them right.

I love you and i cant wait,
until the day my daddy lets me go,
out of his hands and into yours,
we know we will make it on our own.

With a porch swing and a fence,
kids toys scattered in the yard,
someday not so far away,
we will have it all from working hard.

I've painted you a picture,
I've told you how i feel,
now show me that you'll never leave,
keep our love thruthful and real.


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The following comments are for "I'll paint you a picture..."
by grandmasgirl

Very good peom and great thoughts, one of the main problems with the poem is one of my big ones, it looks like you rushed it and did not have time for spaces: highschool eachother.

Also, this part doesn't really flow:
I love you and i cant wait,
until the day my daddy lets me go,
out of his hands and into yours,
we know we will make it on our own.

You might try saying: instead of hands say arms

until my daddy lets me go


( Posted by: heartbreakersbeware [Member] On: May 3, 2007 )

thank you
thanks for the comment... its great advise and yes, with my poems they useually just come to me as i type and then i am just in a hurry to put them out there for everyone to read... im glad you liked the poem and i will revise it as you sugessted!

( Posted by: grandmasgirl [Member] On: May 6, 2007 )

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