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I have a girlfriend
And our love will never end
And love is what I intend

She makes me happy
She makes me see
All the things that have beauty

But in beauty there is only one
And that is you, what's done is done

I love you baby, can't you see
That the only man you should be with is me

Your life is hard so is mine
But through love we will find

A way to make things right
A way without a fight

I love you and I can't wait to see
You beautiful face, right next to me

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The following comments are for "My Girlfriend"
by XeroKraken

your girlfriend
hi there...
i'm not sure what your style of writing is cause this is the only piece i've read of yours, but i do have a few critiques if you would like to hear them.

first i do like the sentiment in your poem, buti can assure you that you're not the only guy who feels this way about his girlfriend.
I think if you plan on giving this to her you should add personal touches (you know like an inside joke...but its not a joke..just something ONLY the two of you share).
ususally if you draw the readers attention to something like that it adds more to the picture, and of course...your girlfriend with LOVE it and know it's something especially for her to read.

of course....your whole intention could have been for it to not be very personal....sooo then you could scratch my comments

but just boyfriend would tell me he loves and and that i'm beautiful TOO the point where i'd hear it...and it wouldnt phase me...
if you wanna read a piece about that whole love and beauty thing..check out "Lonely Beautiful" by seasecrets
(thats me incognito so i can write openly about the difficult parts of my relationship...while avoiding any misunderstandings and arguments due to the exaggeration in my writing)

i enjoyed reading your writing and commenting...i hope my comment is useful!

( Posted by: icicleicicle [Member] On: April 30, 2007 )

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