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Were my bosom as false as thou deem'st
it to be,
I need not have wander'd from far Galilee;
It was but adjuring me creed to efface
The curse which, thou say'st, is the crime of my race.

If the bad never triumph, the God is with thee!
If the slave only sin, thou art spotless and free!
If the Exile on earth is an Outcast on high,
Live on in thy faith, but in mine I will die.

I have lost for that faith more than thou canst bestow,
As the God who permits thee to prosper doth know;
In his hand is my heart and my hope-
and in thine
The land and the life which for him I resign.

~Count Edmond Fernand Mondego~

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The following comments are for "Deem Me To Be"
by Count Edmond Fernand Mondego

good word usage
I'm the first to appreciate this kind of language, but I did find the first verse somewhat hard going. To balance that though, I really liked the last verse in particular; it flows very well, and the ending is nicely done.
One doesn't see much poetry written in this style these days; it's not 'fashionable', but more to the point, most people would have no clue how to use this sort of language.
The great thing is that you do, and you carry it well.
What really suprises me is to see a piece that seems to be about the death of one's faith in God, written in what could be described as Biblical language. There's an odd juxtaposition there which adds life to the whole piece.
As I said, I'm not really used to reading this style, and I have to confess I needed to scurry to a dictionary to determine the meaning of 'adjuring' (and I double-checked 'efface' while I was there too). Took the edge off the reading experience a bit, but not something that can be criticised.

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: December 30, 2002 )

Bygone era
Count, when I read this, I felt like I had opened a book of poetry from times long gone. I find it awesome that you can capture the words and feel of another era as you do.

I don't feel qualified to rate your writing.

The only thing I noticed was that the first stanza was peppered with olde words and phrases, while the third stanza, except for the "ths" was much more modern sounding.

( Posted by: Feistyfemale [Member] On: December 31, 2002 )

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