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the max flow
follows the min cut
it means that every
single word counts

it's how the deep
keep going deeper
ever lower
toward its center

the assurance of
getting better
is all that fuels them
moving onward

when even the best
are only barely good enough
how can the rest
of us expect to stand the test

of all misfortune, the worst kind of fate is to have been happy.

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The following comments are for "on my way to the steady state"
by ochimusha

The path of least resistance
Splendidly null...? comfortably numb...?

kept reading this and thinking how you get less resistance from the current the deeper down you sink, and how quiet and calm it is in the eye of the storm... there's a surgical precision to this poem, something like ruthless logic, I think... and numbing inevitability

only thing I'd change is "toward its centre", to "toward THE centre"... not even sure why, maybe because "the" sounds more ominously all encompassing... to me at least... but then, I'm odd... thanks for this.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: March 26, 2007 )

the same old easy targets
thanks for your comments. this little piece arose from the comments on my last poem, actually. i started thinking on a tangent after rereading my remark on "flow", and concluded my writing could almost coldly be reduced to the Maximum Flow Problem- in particular, the "algorithm" by which i seek maximum effectiveness. i tend to shotgun out the main ideas when i feel so inspired, and then iterate over it ad nauseum, picking apart word usage, until i either feel no improvement can be made or i just grow tired and abandon what i'm working on.

concerning your suggestion for "the", it really just comes down to change in meaning. the intention here was to convey the indefinite, personally context-sensitive center of self, not some calculated center of an arbitrary universe.

sorry for the long discourse, i generally think it an awful practice for an artist to publicly analyze their art, for much the same reason that comedians who explain their jokes aren't funny. but, seeing as how you have seemed to take an interest in my writing, and that it was a rather minor/short poem, i thought it might be a nice exercise to try and explain myself, at least then people might think i know what i'm doing.

( Posted by: ochimusha [Member] On: March 26, 2007 )

thanks for this analysis. interesting for me, who saw this initially in a more cosmic/ universal vein... it's probably the "us" that did it... that, and it's the way my mind works anyway... at the moment…

actually, I rather admire your endlessly refining economy of language. it's a skill I don't share but could stand to learn... I think that's probably what attracts me to your work, that pared-down picked-clean quality. wish I had it. but I don't. I gush, obviously and messily, all over the damn place...

anyway, thanks for this insight. t’was illuminating… and helpful to the porridge brained likes of me ;)

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: March 26, 2007 )

thank you
you're generous words flatter me. but you needn't be so modest, nor deferential. i assure you, i am just as uncultured as everyone else :)

( Posted by: ochimusha [Member] On: March 26, 2007 )

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