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8johnjohndoe

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all rivers run into the ocean
but it is never full
all my tears are damed up
i am near breaking
is my life worth taking
my soul realy worth breaking
like the bread you feed to ducks
except now im out of luck
im falling down the stair well
blood pouring from closed wounds
can you see im trying to be alone with you
look down
im a mirror on the water

------
i am a misuderstood lunatic


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The following comments are for "mirror on the water"
by schindees

Mirror on the water.
Hmmm. I have two opinions for this poem. Not conflicting, mind you.
1) I love the imagery, the opening lines being the best ones in ages because they are true. The ocean never fills. But what I miss is a strong closing line that incorporates the ocean. Because a mirror in the water, is a reflection of the sky, unending and vast. But you said yourself, you are nigh full.
2) I do miss the punctuation. The beginning is subtle, The middle feels like its a torrent, and the end the last of the rain. But the punctuation isn't there to aid or assist.
But on a whole I enjoy this.

( Posted by: Siah [Member] On: February 26, 2007 )





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