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My Mother's Power to Mess with My Head



I've been reminded lately that my late mother had truly sinister powers pertaining to MESSING WITH MY HEAD.

Here's a story about her: While I was briefly teaching Catholic school in 1997, Kindergarten through eighth grade, I apparently forgot to send in a car insurance payment. I was in my classroom with my Kindergarteners, teaching them to use the mouse on their computers. (I was the computer literacy teacher.) My mother came to the school, which was something of a drive from where my parents lived at the time, walked into my classroom.

I was thrilled. My mother would finally get to see me in action in my classroom, with my children. They were so happy and they all greeted my mother cheerily: "Hello Mrs. Furnish!"

She barely waved at them and proceeded to announce that I was terribly irresponsible, and why.

A year later, this came back at me during another difficult moment and I broke down in front of my sister (who was still human in those days but is becoming my mother), who forced a three-way conference, and my mother denied everything like she remembered nothing. This made it even _worse_.

All of that, plus many more incidents of black-irish-catholic-motherness, including many exasperating conversations on the phone about sundry perceived faux-pas, make me wish my mother hadn't been cremated sometimes, so I could dig her up and throttle her. Sometimes she still makes me mad as hell, all the way from the grave, and she's buried in New Jersey.

------
The Alienist
jhfurnish@yahoo.com


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The following comments are for "My Mother's Power"
by The Alienist

Release...
It sounds like your mother never wanted to let go of you. I often feel like that my parents will want to be on my case forever, but the day is approaching fast when they will have to give me away-give me away to make my own way in this world and give me away to a good man. Only then will they really be able to see me in the success that they dream for me.
Your mother's not letting you fend for yourself when it was time caused her never to believe in you. Remind your sister of this before she becomes the mistake your mother made and ends up dissatisfied.

-ArsPoet2789ica

( Posted by: ArsPoet2789ica [Member] On: January 19, 2007 )

Parent Power?
Alienist,

I am not sure why I should be drawn into this story of yours so deeply, but it is possibly because I have seen so many people who have been haunted throughout their lives by wanting to be respected by their parents.

If anybody else treated you like parents do sometimes, you would certainly have no time for them and put them firmly in their place. (possibly the same for children, but it's parents we're discussing). But with parents it is totally different, we want them to care about us and respect us.

The message your story tells me, as a parent, is it is no good just caring about your children, you also have to make sure they know. Also you have to let them grow up and not cling to them as children.

Families, however, feel so close that they sometimes forget how hurtful comments and actions they would not dream of making with others are to each other....

A lesson for us all, glad you wrote this,

Ivor

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: February 10, 2007 )

Amen brother
My mother also holds unworldly power over me. I used to get off the phone with her crying because she had crushed, irreversibly, my dreams or hopes. When I was 27ish I was promoted to a position of great responsibility. I was nervous and mistakenly told my mother how nervous I was about it. She said, "I know! You're so young to be promoted!" Nice.

Just know that you aren't alone. Mothers are all the same, varying only in technique and degree of insane motherly control over your life.

( Posted by: Shel [Member] On: May 26, 2007 )





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