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Greasy is reality and rocks will turn to jell-o if you're inclined so.

I, the faithful vegetarian, held a large, greasy stick of beef jerky in my hands. I was in a large, twisting hall-way room. The wall seperating me from the outside world was entirely clear glass and had a glass outside-door. Outside was a green but over-cast day and I could see trees.

And before me, looking up eagerly, was my friend the gray cat. He was a street cat but clean and friendly of demeanor. Rather on the thin side, he had glowing green eyes. He regularly came in and left through the glass door.

I regularly fed him beef jerky outside the glass wall but I had never fed him inside the glass wall. Outside the glass wall, he had to contend with other wild cats. For this reason, he had developed the habit of pouncing on the jerky and looking around fiercely as he ate it.

How thick is the glass wall that holds us from enlightenment! How frail are our conceptions! How habitual are our actions! It is the glass wall that seperates us from God.

And the cat looked up hungrily up at the jerky in my hand, as if ready to pounce on me and take it. So I threw it to him. He pounced on it fiercely, pinning it to the ground. He looked through the glass wall, hissing at imaginary rival cats.

And how thick is the glass wall that will turn to jell-o if you're inclined so.


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Comments

The following comments are for "Jell-O Wall"
by Seanspacey

Dream-like
Seanspacey,

I really liked this. It reminded me of dreaming, like falling into a surreal world of all my own. Some of the imagery reminds me of something one might read about in Neil Gaimen's, "Neverwhere". Dark, slightly disturbing, and almost touchable imagery. I like the path your writing has taken - can't wait to see more.

Later,
Dras

( Posted by: Drastine [Member] On: December 11, 2002 )

to Seanspacey
Strange, this actually reminds me of Hemingway if not for the sudden theme insertion.

It will probably be better if you offered more hints in description rather than outright saying it to remain more in tone with the rest of the story.

For example, you could have remained on the metaphorical route and described heaven..the relation to it..rather than "glass wall..separate..God".

Just a piece of advice.

Overall, this really smacks of modernism, which is not a bad thing.


( Posted by: Furius [Member] On: December 11, 2002 )

Agree with Furius
I agree with furius on this one. No need to tell us about your god or version of heaven, instead hint and let us figure it out. Still, I thought it was very descriptive and creative. I particularly liked the greedy cat.

Though I don't really think humans behave that way? heh, heh.

Good job,

Richard

( Posted by: Richard Dani [Member] On: December 13, 2002 )

originality
Thanks for all your comments. You really have no idea how much I appreciate it.

I try to write things that have never been written before. I think I succeed in this. How successful my innovations will be remains to be seen.

Furius, you're intelligent and your criticism would hold if I were trying to write like other successful writers of our day write. But I'm not. I love Hemingway and Raymond Carver but they're not my role models and I'm not trying to "show not tell" as people tell me so often. Rich, I guess the same would hold for your criticism. But guys, I'm very thankful for your attention.

Jessica, I sympathize with your in-ability to follow. Not only is this work very new, it's poorly edited. I mean there are no grammatical mistakes or anything but this work needs polishing. But please keep on trying to understand what I'm saying. I'll try to make it clearer. Thanks so much for your comments and I appreciate your spirit of kindness and community.

Dras, what can I say? Thanks so much for your praise. When you read my work, you see what I see.

Much thanks, everybody, I'll return the favor.

Thank you,
Sean Nelson

( Posted by: Seanspacey [Member] On: December 15, 2002 )

Too open
I liked the theme, but you bludgeoned the reader with it rather than showing it to him.

( Posted by: DiverGirl [Member] On: October 5, 2005 )





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