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Average Rating
8.89

(19 votes)


RatingRated by
7ArsPoet2789ica
10AuldMiseryGuts
8BWOz
6DrKilldare
10follylolly
10jesuschriss
8johnjohndoe
10Kenneth
10Myth
8Nitz Kitty
9PETERPAULINO
10poetrygill1
10rcallaci
8Siah
8ttdavis
10Undogg
10Viper9
9wanda
8williamhill

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She took me in her mouth
with lips of infrared.
Her chest was beating,
but the heart was dead.
Her tongue felt wet and free,
like a soul sliding across my skin.
The plague crawled over me
and felt for some way in.
Her pussy was blooming that night.
Inside things were growing
by dead soul light.
She was bleeding apocalyptic sunshine
from the source of life.

The Earth shook me awake;
the bomb was dropped.
The Succubus ebbed into the lake.
The bandages got wet,
The stitches were stretched,
The Dream undone.
A mushroom cloud blossomed,
like swarms of locusts obscuring the Sun.
The Dove of Peace fell from a fungal cloud,
with it’s dying sour breath;
the burning smell of insect flesh.
Families in circles around TV’s;
A backwash of Technicolor
molds dunes of dust in their skulls
and they cried for the shopping malls.

The fetus turned over cold in its tomb.
I felt him picking the scales from your womb.
Why did you let him come inside of you?
Peace suffocated in violent spasms
beneath the loads of blood-warm wargasms.
Shhh…I know it’s because you were coming too.

I remember the warmth of the flowers breath.
Their fleshy petals gentle as crib death.
In the wild branches of the live oak
a spider web caught the last sunset to soak.
It sparkled like stars of brass,
dripping honey onto tarnished grass.
Virgins played lunar games on the bayou
barefoot and horny eating mushroom stew.

Eden has grown cold beneath our feet.
I watched the running and lurching screaming meat.
Tripping virgins open every vein,
imagining that God has gone insane.
Gasping humans turning blue;
the virgin’s lips drip with purple dew.
Muscles contract until their spines snap;
fragile unbuckling spinal tap.
Taut tendons pull tighter still…
Frail spines freakishly reverse and kill,
folding the children backward with grinding wrists
to give their ankles an unnatural kiss.

Bomb shelters full of crazies
eating their wailing babies
‘til the pulses crawl in the darkness like frost.
Licking cracking lips, mankind bakes
with parched faces peeling like snakes.
The radioactive cloud descends;
their twitching never ends.

We grew weaker with hate ‘til the races would separate;
Bullshit merchants with Christian disguises.
Salivate, lacrimate, urinate, and defecate;
dead bodies with endless surprises

Let’s remove the President
from the address of the letters we sent.
Grab his arms and I’ll grab his legs.
Fill his belly with cockroach eggs!
String him up and bang him like a gong
“Such a fitting place that you belong.”
Now America knows what we knew all along:
We shouldn’t be digging in someone else’s desert,
where we don’t belong.
“You kill me and I’ll kill you.”
Soul-erosion coming true.

Close my eyes and swallow a scream,
Remember that home is a dream;
Take a breath and hum a song,
Slipping back to where I belong.




Comments

The following comments are for "Apocalyptic Sunshine"
by BAAL

Soul-erosion coming true.
Jay-sus! This whole thing just blew me away. Write Off aside, loved every minute of it...

The horror here is all encompassing and pervasive. it doesn't come from any one circumstance or feeling but emanates from all aspects of reality
and permeates every level of consciousness... also, it had "Soul-erosion", which is fantastic...

a graphic, gutsy write, has blood, has balls...

wish I'd written this instead but I'm glad at least one of us did… This should win, anything else would be an injustice.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: November 27, 2006 )

Apocalyptic Sunshine
Horrid imagery, sexual tones, death, all the makings for politics! I'm excited about this one! Enjoyed reading it very much and will continue to do so! Great!

( Posted by: Kenneth [Member] On: November 27, 2006 )

Political Battlefield of Opinionation?
This piece is generally well-written, albeit somewhat conformist. I don't agree with your political views, BAAL; I can in a sense understand where you are coming from, but I cannot put the pieces together of the jigsaw puzzle of anti-war-on-terrorism. But that's opinionated me for you: analyzing both sides but finding only one side to be believable.

-ArsPoet2789ica

( Posted by: ArsPoet2789ica [Member] On: November 27, 2006 )

Constant Chaos
I knew you could write horror into the hearts of everyone around you. This piece is amazing! I really liked the rhyme scheme. I was glued at once to the screen and read it twice. The imagery you project onto my imagination is as awe inspiring as it is terror inspiring. Good job.

( Posted by: follylolly [Member] On: November 27, 2006 )

Good work
I don't think I can add much in lieu of the other comments here.

( Posted by: ttdavis [Member] On: November 27, 2006 )

Interesting
Extremely interesting, and foul beyond reason. A good read that binds not only because of its hidden paragraphs but also its bluntness. Nice.

( Posted by: Siah [Member] On: November 27, 2006 )

Nice lines
You hooked me, then kind of lost me, then hooked me again, then changed directions. I sure didn't expect it.

BW

( Posted by: BWOz [Member] On: November 27, 2006 )

Write Off Baal
A very good match, you and Shannon! You are both very good, both have twisted minds enough to concoct the creepiest of tales! LOL I am a fan of Horror, Baal, and like what I said in Shannon's page I would have scored both a 10 but that would take away the fun, so I decided to choose only one and thought I could just go fo the type of horror that I like, so I chose Shannon's - pls check in his thread my explanation. I gave her a 10, and you a 9.49 that when I round off, becomes 9 (is my rounding off correct?) The shock in reading your story/poem Baal, is the counterpart of Shannon's shock - yours comes from the outside. Just blame me for being old-fashioned, I am Asian anyway, and Shannon's piece has somewhat a tinge of Asian horror in it.

( Posted by: PETERPAULINO [Member] On: November 28, 2006 )

correction
gave HIM a 10 (not HER)

( Posted by: PETERPAULINO [Member] On: November 28, 2006 )

Raw
Damn. This thing is explosive. It just radiates passion and rage and lust and god-konws-what else. It's really hard to compare this to AMG's poem, as they're both excellent in completely different ways.

So i had to give you both a 10. Sorry. It isn't a cop-out -- I just can't think of a way to decide which of these poems is better, given that they're both stunning.

( Posted by: Viper9 [Member] On: November 29, 2006 )

Life-Evoking & Organinc
It's a noteworthy one to expose the shapes & sizes in the "A backwash of Technicolor". The ups & downs are suitably put. How a poetic piece can be rendered in a language not quite known to tounge but to sensibility. The imressions of colourfil vibrations are everywhere. I am in this school of thought...inbetween the life's orgasm & the horror of it.

( Posted by: Myth [Member] On: December 1, 2006 )

The Write Off is Over!
Though everyone is still welcome to read and comment and rate, the contest of champions has now come to an end.

And our winner is AULDMISERYGUTS -- by the closest of all margins: 0.01 points! Well-done, AMG!

Let's congratulate both of our competitors for taking part and producing such quality work. I loved 'em both.

One of the things I find most interesting about the write off is seeing how people take the same prompt and do completely different things with it. In this case, Baal and AMG were asked to write a horror poem based on the prompt, "Belonging". That's it. And look what happened!

Can't wait to do this again.

Once more, congratulations AMG and much thanks to both of you for your great work, and to everyone else for rating and commenting.

( Posted by: viper9 [Member] On: December 2, 2006 )

a close run thing
and I stand by my earlier comment. I think you should've won, 'cause I concur absolutely with Lucie: "This is the better of the two poems, because the choices of language and imagery offer the reader a greater diversity of textures than the other poem does." deliciously, deriously, astonishing piece, beautifully excessive, can't say enough good things about it... Me, I just told a ghost story. A ghost story with a wry smile but just a ghost story none-the-less...

...Enjoyed competing with you, knowing you have the edge in this department, it made me try harder, to be honest I didn't think I stood a chance but I thought I'd give it a go for the craic and it was certainly an experience... I have my favourite comments too ;)

Good poetry provokes intense reactions, good or bad. Bad poetry provokes no reaction at all.

You write good poetry. Peace


Shannon.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: December 2, 2006 )

Quality on many levels
I could understand the separate levels here more so than Misery's. I voted without being sure if I qualified, but I think I may be in the appropriate class. (hopefully I wasn't too late).

This has much depth from many levels of deep perspective on current events and fantasy. Clearly better written and easier to comprehend. Great job.

( Posted by: undogg [Member] On: December 2, 2006 )

UNDOGG, thank you
I do believe that you are the first to realize the different levels that I had written in this poem. To most, I'm sure it seemed that I smoked a single point down to the filter, but you need a razor in your mind to see it. It's scheme is like something you would see in a David Lynch film. This was a mystery, actually.
It seems to begin in a dream, wake into a war, and then I die. But then again, the war could be the dream, the succubus may be my lover, and me closing my eyes to go back home could be to wake up back into my lover's arms. Or, the succubus is a dream, the war is a dream inside of the dream, and to die is to finally wake up. Or it's dream, then life, and dream which would be death. It's based on the feeling that I'm still sleeping in a dream that I woke up from. On and on, I'm just glad that somebody could see it. Having the topic "belong," the point was that I haven't got a clue about belonging.
Though I had already lost, it was worth it just to have it get through to one person. You have very sharp awareness undogg and thanks for commenting.

-Barrett

( Posted by: BAAL [Member] On: December 3, 2006 )

hmm
It's really really good, but it's not my favorite of your works. Not because it's not good. It just seems like you tried a little too hard.

( Posted by: thesadpoet [Member] On: December 3, 2006 )

your sexist
Your talkin about a relationship bases on this writing of women an sunshine WOW you have a real broaden mind

( Posted by: poetrygill1 [Member] On: December 21, 2007 )





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