Eternal
by ttdavis (Member) - published: November 25, 2006
Word Count: 153 Word Bytes: 1045 Viewed: 526 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by ttdavis

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I was awakened
by thoughts of you
Taking me back
To the beginnings of my inner peace
Where you and I once walked
In the light of eternity
Where gods and angels
Walked the earth with us
And peace was still
And I became new
Born again through your eyes
while our newly erected union
rose from the dust
pointed towards the skies
and you spoke my name
with your thunderous voice
parted the heavens
and my soul paused in anticipation
for the exodus of heavenly flow
departed from your lips
and rested in the atmospheric chasm called us
where you and I dwelled in romantic excellence
and the rebirth of our togetherness
formed a new earth
you were the sun
and my stars flickered in search of you by night
for your fervor that warmed me by day
you and I became a single narrative
like a verse being spoken
forever

------
"Let the brain stumble from its hiding place, From it's cellblock, to the edge of oblivion to come to itself..."

--Safe Subjects - Yusef Komunyakaa

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Comments

The following comments are for "Eternal"
by ttdavis

eternal
This is good!

It's out-of-the-box thinking, whereby "we" outgrow that finite reality caricature of ourselves that should never be the only reality...
I like that "we" are atmospheric chasm. This removes us from the imperfection of circumstance. I like romantic excellence a little less, would go with "where you and I in the rebirth of our togetherness formed a new earth", but that's just one opinion. And it's the only place in this otherwise solid poem, which might need tightening.

Thanks for this. It's acclamatory, rather than the more common declamatory work that appears here.

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: November 25, 2006 )

Eternal
"you and I became a single narrative/ like a verse being spoken/ forever" it's infinite ascent... fantastic.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: November 26, 2006 )

Many Thanks...
Windchime, thank you. As I re-read it, I read it to myself the way you proposed, and I think I like it that way. You know, a friend tells me that you write what you think is good, and then put it away for a few days. When you pull it out again, if you still like it share it with others. If you get some good advice regarding a change, make it and share it again. That's the beauty of sharing, being able to see your work through someone else's eyes.

AuldMiseryGuts, thank you very much! You've taken my confidence up a notch or two!

( Posted by: ttdavis [Member] On: November 27, 2006 )

Eternal
This poem reminded me of a love lost but somehow it manages to survive and even surpass time. I liked the sublimeness of it. Good job.

( Posted by: nubianpoetess [Member] On: November 28, 2006 )

Nubianpoetess
Thank you very much! I appreciate you stopping by.

( Posted by: ttdavis [Member] On: November 29, 2006 )

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