The Back Scratchers (dark theme, minor cursing)
by malthis (Member) - published: December 8, 2002
Word Count: 103 Word Bytes: 680 Viewed: 972 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by malthis

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Friendly is the manner of their greet,
The motive though is sour,
The fellowship deceit,
Caring only to discern
Whether you are chaff or wheat.

Lies and Laud side by side.
Upturned corner of the mouth,
By smile they deride,
Playing on life’s checker board
With pieces of your pride.

Nothing to give, but they will take
Allegiances, held ransom
By act of your mistake
To honor those without,
And love the friend that’s fake.

Every man fell prey to sin.
Carry doubt as your trust,
Know the world you’re in.
The distance from Bless
To Fuck You is very, very thin.

------
"I must create my own system, or be enslaved by another man's"-William Blake

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Comments

The following comments are for "The Back Scratchers (dark theme, minor cursing)"
by malthis

such language
Malthis,
While I really enjoyed both the sentiment of this piece as well as the meter, the last line seemed to distract rather than deliver the knockout punch that I'm sure was desired. It seemed to me that your voice changed too suddenly to give you the credibility for the last line.
But the line "playing on life's checkerboard/ with pieces of your pride" was awesome and made me wish I'd come up with it.
It's been awhile since I've seen you on the site, keep em coming.

( Posted by: Bartleby [Member] On: December 9, 2002 )

Dark, very dark...
This piece has acid in it. Your voice is clear to the reader, and the bitterness of your words really stand out. I do not have a problem with the last line. While it doesn't exactly match the wording throughout the rest of the poem, it does have its place as the final stab. I liked it, dark as it was.

( Posted by: JM HELUK [Member] On: December 16, 2002 )

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