Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search

Average Rating

(3 votes)

RatingRated by

You must login to vote

Friendly is the manner of their greet,
The motive though is sour,
The fellowship deceit,
Caring only to discern
Whether you are chaff or wheat.

Lies and Laud side by side.
Upturned corner of the mouth,
By smile they deride,
Playing on lifeís checker board
With pieces of your pride.

Nothing to give, but they will take
Allegiances, held ransom
By act of your mistake
To honor those without,
And love the friend thatís fake.

Every man fell prey to sin.
Carry doubt as your trust,
Know the world youíre in.
The distance from Bless
To Fuck You is very, very thin.

"I must create my own system, or be enslaved by another man's"-William Blake

Related Items


The following comments are for "The Back Scratchers (dark theme, minor cursing)"
by malthis

such language
While I really enjoyed both the sentiment of this piece as well as the meter, the last line seemed to distract rather than deliver the knockout punch that I'm sure was desired. It seemed to me that your voice changed too suddenly to give you the credibility for the last line.
But the line "playing on life's checkerboard/ with pieces of your pride" was awesome and made me wish I'd come up with it.
It's been awhile since I've seen you on the site, keep em coming.

( Posted by: Bartleby [Member] On: December 9, 2002 )

Dark, very dark...
This piece has acid in it. Your voice is clear to the reader, and the bitterness of your words really stand out. I do not have a problem with the last line. While it doesn't exactly match the wording throughout the rest of the poem, it does have its place as the final stab. I liked it, dark as it was.

( Posted by: JM HELUK [Member] On: December 16, 2002 )

Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.