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9.33

(3 votes)


RatingRated by
10PaulaAnne
8R.K.Singh
10wanda

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Die and haunt me;
devour the poison
that the bottle called ‘love’ contains,
then perish…

but on the third day

spring back!

but with only your ghost: gossamer of void,
floating without frames to hold it upright.
Glide as your feet are no more,
explore the day
that for you is forever night,
searching me,
loving me, loving me,
though your heart is buried
and infested by maggots,
bitten by rats!


Cry when only November rains
are what you can claim as welling tears
from your supernal eyes;
behold with them, your eyes
that are but spaces between grey clouds,
covet me as I walk the earth,
as my terrestrial essence
co-exist with the rocks,
them rocks that are maybe even more alive

than any of us.


Cry and love me,
I might love back a hundredfold,
love me like that
and I might romance
the angel that guards your grave
and so my lust
haunt you instead!


------
*************************************
crystal face I kiss
tongue tastes like sweet cold rain
I fall into pond




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Comments

The following comments are for "Haunt"
by PETERPAULINO

Hard to believe
You know, after I read your poems I find it hard to believe that you're fairly new to the English language, man. Not that I'm calling you a liar, though!

I like the story in here, and I loved the analogues that bridged teh gap between what she could do, and what she can do now. Sweet stuff.

( Posted by: viper9 [Member] On: November 23, 2006 )

Viper Believe
Michael, composing this poem depraved me of sleep last night, I wanted to finish early and yet the right words couldn't seem to show up right away at Dictionary.com. Had there already been a thesaurus in my brain just like you do, I wouldn't be spending hours in front of my computer pounding the keyboard, I'd have started composing the poem while I was on the train on my way home and finished upon logging-in to lit. MSWord is always of good help too, and Muses that knock on doors at midnight! Geez, couldn't they visit at daytime?! Thank you. ;-)

( Posted by: PETERPAULINO [Member] On: November 23, 2006 )

Haunt
loved so much in this, the rats gnawing on the heart, claiming November rain as tears, the gossamer ghost floating without frames... Damn! I'm a sucker for anything ghostly so you had me at the title... and what a haunting/ haunted read it was, not merely spectral, but ethereal... a romance that's almost an obsession (even possession), and which exists in both the supernatural and the subconscious... totally enthralling read.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: November 23, 2006 )

Obsssion and Possession
Shannon, I'm glad we're on the same page about the obsession and possession theme in this poem, and the cross between spectral and ethereal which I thought at first wouldn't work because I would have to decide on which only one spectrum of ghostliness I should put this work underneath. Thank you.

Wanda, thanks for the 10 :-)

( Posted by: peterpaulino [Member] On: November 23, 2006 )

Love and death
Andyhavens said that if we indeed remember correctly, I read that, and now realizing how it must have been in my subconscious while I was writing this!

Thank you for your approval Lucie, that matters much to me! :-)

( Posted by: peterpaulino [Member] On: November 23, 2006 )

It works
The title really works within this poem. I often read the title then forget about it while I read the poem and wait for that defining line or stanza that evokes the title.

This one, the title is present in each stanza; use of words like "covet" and "terrestrial" in 2nd stanza serve to keep the haunted imagery alive into the last stanza.

It is also good active voice imagery -- not too many soft phrases, everything moves in that one clear direction.

Well done.

BW

( Posted by: BWOz [Member] On: November 25, 2006 )

Haunt Yah Bwoz
I am happy you liked this. Your comment means so much, if I'd have to change something here, it is removing one of the two 'buts' in the first parts... Nobody needs two 'but(t)s', just kidding! :-)

( Posted by: peterpaulino [Member] On: November 25, 2006 )

Haunt
This gave me chills. You had me hook, line and sinker from start to finish. Definitely takes a nonchalant step over the line of obsession, but that's what makes this such an intense and incredible read. "Devour the poison that the bottle called 'love' contains," indeed.

( Posted by: chinadoll [Member] On: November 26, 2006 )

Chinadoll Hook-Line-Sinker
That was a vivid image to express your being chilled, makes me believe I indeed succeeded in this haunting, so thank you! :-)

( Posted by: PETERPAULINO [Member] On: November 26, 2006 )

HAUNT
Take my love, die, then haunt me for the rest of my life? I could relate to this. This was great and eerie! My ex (father of my children)didn't die on me, but he sure has haunted me for many years! PaulaAnne

( Posted by: PaulaAnne [Member] On: December 1, 2006 )

Paula Anne
Thank you very much for reading and commenting!
:-)

( Posted by: PETERPAULINO [Member] On: December 2, 2006 )

Hauntingly Gothic
I'm glad I found this one. Haunt is a good title because it truly does have a very romantic neo-gothic dark haunting quality that I enjoyed gliding through as I read it.


( Posted by: TheRealKarmaTseringLhamo [Member] On: August 6, 2007 )





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