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Lately, I've been involved with Joshua for a little over two weeks. I am very confused right now.

I know that I told him to date another girl[he liked me and another girl equally] to make him happy (sacrifice self for the one you love). He still wants to work things out with me. He's not done with me either, like I'm not him.

Friday I told him I cut myself (which I didn't)to get his attention/symapthy because I thought he'd be too keen on this other girl.

Every night I cry because of the decision I made, to let him go into the arms of the dark Chi*. But now it is my time! Hideki*2 is mine, and I will get him back some how....

He told me he wants to work things out with me, and I want to so bad. Basicly, our agreement was that we'd exchange hearts after him and her break up, and I'm pretty much waiting for them to break up-praying for a screw up.

I just want to go in and take him from her and go some place where no one can find us and make him forget her..........but I can't.

Like I said, every night I cry a little (and I think he weeps over me, he's that sensitive-bless his heart) because I can't be with him. I only want him if I can have all of him, because then I can give him all of me.

I just don't know anymore. They say good things come to those who wait, and maybe it'll be good if I just wait for him.

I don't know what he wants to do with her. I basicly gave him permision to do her all day and night. And I'm being really cynical about this.

*= If you read Chobits, you'd get it. She's the same as the light Chi, but she came fisrt, as did the other girl to Joshua (they went out before I got to know Joshua).

*2= Hideki is the romantic interest of Chi in the Chobits series. Dark Chi never touched Hideki romanticly, but in my situation, Dark Chi is molesting him daily/nightly whatever.

No matter how bad it gets just keep on walking. You'll get there eventually, it may not be what you thought, but at least you will be alive.

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The following comments are for "I don't know anymore"
by thenightcalls

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