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*revised*

The sunlight falls in rays across your nose
its freckles soften until silk and dew,
softer than a dream woven from a rose,
yet lasting two ways and three days anew.
My love, your gown of elegance is rain
and your footsteps are of emerald leaf;
'Cause silently from my heart you've slain
each fragment of hatred, lament and grief!
From your eyes’ emotion; my heart and soul
your kisser firth enchants a song so sweet
pleasing this roughen gentleman of coal
until cherry ember and cedar meet!
This garden all, even moss and sky blue,
each is a flower in a garden you.

------
Art is addicting, an addict am I,
truth is I, the truth am I, the truth a lie!


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Comments

The following comments are for "Sonnet"
by Siah

emaks
Lovely attempt at sonnet, Siah. Needs some tweeking, but such a good start, and such a lovely starting place you have!
(Many easily re-worked to fit, ie, "'Cause silently from my heart you've slain", "you have" will give the 10 syllables... )
Nice attempt, and lovely thoughts as usual...
Elizabeth

( Posted by: emaks [Member] On: November 8, 2006 )

Sonnet
Sonnot quite in places, I tripped over my tongue here and there, but still, no amount of syllable counting could detract from the loveliness of the language...

"two ways and three days anew", is my favourite line from this. as usual I enjoy the slightly archaic expression, so suitable to the theme. real romantic indulgence poem this, by-passed the critical centre in my brain completely, to just be enjoyed, to be... just lovely.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: November 8, 2006 )

Precedents
This poem reminds me of "The Garden of You" (which is on my favorites list): pure love-emotion expressed with realistic images. Love it, Siah!

-Aubri

( Posted by: ArsPoet2789ica [Member] On: November 8, 2006 )





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