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Jimmy: [Flapping his arms madly about, assumedly trying to fly] Itís not fair! Why canít I fly like those birds?

Narrator: Well, Jimmy, for one thing, youíre not a bird. Youíre a human being, and humans canít propel themselves into their air like birds can. Besides that, youíre lacking a basic human quality!

Jimmy: What? You mean like blood, or a nervous system?

Narrator: No, Jimmy. You canít fly because you donít have free will.

Jimmy: Free will?

Narrator: Free will.

Jimmy: What is that, some kind of French dish?

Narrator: No, Jimmy. Free will is the ability to do anything you want to do.

Jimmy: Anything? If I had free will, I would turn myself into a baked potato!

Narrator: Yes, Jimmy. You could do anything you wanted! You could even pick up that hatchet over there and turn your neighbor Bob into a puddle of barely recognizable meat!

Jimmy: Really?

Narrator: Yes! But remember: you donít have free will, so you canít do that. You can try all you want, but it canít happen.

Jimmy: Iím gonna try it out for myself! [picks up a hatchet near a tree and walks briskly to Bobís backyard] Morniní, Bob!

Bob: Oh! Morniní, Jimmy. Howís things?

Jimmy: Bob, can I try an experiment on you?

Bob: What kind of experiment, Jimmy?

Jimmy: [raises his arms and swings at Bob, only to be repelled by an invisible force]

Jimmy: Gee-willikers! Whatís that?

Narrator: I told you, Jimmy. Your lack of free will kept you from invalidating Bob. But now Iím going to give you some free will, Jimmy. Use it wisely!

Jimmy: BRAINSSSS! [gives Bob a few good whacks with the hatchet, during which he grows wings and turns into a baked potato]

Jimmy: [flies away into the horizon in all of his baked, starchy goodness, screaming] FREE WILLLLLLL!!!!

What is the truth? Ask the majority.

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The following comments are for "A Quick Free Will PSA"
by Lachrym

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