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The sunlight falls in rays across your nose
its freckles soften until silk and dew
softer then a dream woven from a rose
yet lasting two ways and three days anew.

My love, your gown of elegance is rain
and your footsteps are of grass and leaf
'Cause silently from my heart you've slain
each fragment of hate, lament and grief.

Was I but a glimmer, or shimmer of Light
that could run across your body at night
What an extasy, what pure delight
If our essence was woven so tight.

From your eyes grow my heart and soul
and from your lips the sounds so sweet
for how else could this man of coal
make his passion and compassion meet?

This garden all, even the moss, even sky blue
even the misty field and the rippled pond
Each is a flower in a garden of you
that grows from here until beyond.

All not saved will be lost.

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The following comments are for "The Garden of You"
by Siah

The Garden of You
This is very beautiful and touching.

( Posted by: wanda [Member] On: September 21, 2006 )

The Garden of You
a romanace of a read this Siah, with so many well-turned well worded phrases. For me the second to last stanza worked best and I think I'd have probably ended it there, where everything was resolved and met, both the two lovers, their love, passion and compassion. Not that I didn't like the last stanza, but it seemed to me more abstract, away from the sensual quick of the other four, if that makes sense? I don't know what I'd do about it, change them around? Leave off at the forth. either/ neither, it's your poem, and really I like it fine the way it is. transports you, this poem, it's a revival of sorts, of the lyric/romantic/archaic, but the passion still seems real and fresh and new. beautiful.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: September 21, 2006 )

You know you're in love when:
To see in every embodiment of nature a someone: that is falling in love. You capture it so well, Siah!


(P. S.: I figure that I should tell you that what you wrote as 'extasy' is actually spelled 'ecstasy', but this poem is still very nice in spite of such a seemingly trivial error).

( Posted by: ArsPoet2789ica [Member] On: September 21, 2006 )

Extacy :D
Wanda, always commenting, thank you.

Shannon, when I wrote this (it was a quick write) I couldn't leave it at the fourth stanza (actually it was originally the third, but then I put in the -ight rhyme in between). I wanted to. I really did. But something about ending it without referring to the garden of you seemed wrong. And I left it without an open end, and love is never definite.

Aubri, as I just told Shannon, it was a quick write. But yeah, I shouldn't have such trivial mistakes in my writing. I will revise it before I put it into a secure folder, don't worry. Thanks for commenting.

( Posted by: Siah [Member] On: September 21, 2006 )

So Fresh and So Clean
A delightful and coherent poem. Yes, indeed, lovers, that is what we are. The way you use imagery describing how light can shimmer of the body is a classy treat! If you plant a delicate seed in "The Garden of You" and provide it with sustainence that you describe in this poem, love will grow tall, strong and vibrant. Well done! Keep sharing.

( Posted by: FireFly747 [Member] On: September 25, 2006 )

The Garden of You
Beautiful poem, Siah! I agree with Shannon, maybe the solution to that is italicize the last stanza or separate them with parentheses from the rest, giving a double effect then: emphasizing itself and a paragraph standing independently; it's also beautiful that we wouldn't want it to be discarded. Thank you for this!

( Posted by: peterpaulino [Member] On: September 26, 2006 )

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