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~o~Commercials say the darndest things~o~

They’ll say anything and I do mean ANYTHING to try and get you to buy their products. But sometimes, the fine folk of advertising cross the line between sales pitch and stupid. Here are some of my favourite examples.

From an ad for an acne face wash- “Are you really gonna wash your face with the same stuff you use to wash your armpits? Think about it!” -
Ehhhh, I don’t get it. I assume anyone who knows how to clean themselves would know that washing your armpit does not soil the soap in any way. You don’t need a second product to wash your soap when you’ve finished cleaning your armpits. For god’s sake, what could possibly be cleaner than a bar of soap? Is the soap you use for your armpits unworthy of the holiest of pores on your face? If you need a special soap to clear up acne, I would think not.

From an ad for a yeast infection medication- “Today’s women won’t tolerate yeast infection.” -
RIGHT! And yesterday’s women loved it! Get serious! You don’t really need to point out that people don’t like having medical problems. It’s kind of understood.

From an ad for a cd- “300,000 people can’t be wrong!” -
Yes they can! How many people was it who thought that Columbus was gonna sail off the edge of the world? I’m no historian, but I’m pretty sure they were wrong.

From one of many ads for dog food- “With a new, improved taste.” -
How do they really know when they’ve improved the taste of dog food?

From an ad for Viagra- “1 out of every 3 men suffer from erectile difficulties. What’s disturbing? Most of them suffer in silence.” -
I’m really biting my tongue here to keep from crossing the border into severely bad taste land. But seriously, what’s so disturbing about men who suffer in silence? Imagine this conversation “Hey Steve!” “Hey Joe! How’s it going?” “I can’t maintain an erection!” if it’s not putting my safety at risk, I’m quite content with simply not knowing about it.

From a different ad for viagra- “Talk to your doctor and find out if viagra is right for you.”-
Do you really need a doctor to figure out if you need viagra or not? I can think of at least one surefire test that you could conduct in the comfort of your own home...

From an ad for toothpaste- “It’s our most complete toothpaste ever.” -
Clearly, you’ve never learned the definition of complete. Something is either complete or incomplete. That’s what complete means. You cannot have completion to varying degrees.

Well anyways, I think that served well as a much needed break in the main action. Next week I’ll be back to my same old whiny, conspiracy laden rants about the state of today’s media culture. Perhaps I’ll do this again sometime.

Set the Ray t o Jay!!!!!

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The following comments are for "Mard Vision #5"
by eleventeen

stupid commercial remark
Well, this article has been dead and bloated for quite some time now, but I heard another one that I just can't resist.

"We rated 20 of the top selling SUVs and only one got the highest rating!"

errrrrrr, yeah, isn't that what highEST means, that it was higher than all the others? I suppose if there was a tie or something maybe two would get the highest rating. but really other than that. I mean, If every SUV got the highest rating, it would be a good sign that the test was rigged.

( Posted by: eleventeen [Member] On: August 25, 2001 )

Aside from the fact that I laughed my ass off...
You made some really good points in this.

Thanks for brightening up my day...

( Posted by: Mila Darjean [Member] On: August 26, 2001 )

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