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You said to me:

You hold the oceans of the world in your eyes;
In them is captured every shade of blue
Stirred up by violent storms of longing.
I look at them and into the endless depths
of centuries of desire I plunge.

But I look at you and ponder:

Your eyes are black as pitch;
In them no light penetrates
And from them no light escapes.
A heart of stone and a callous mind;
How long will I have to search them
Until the soul of the diamond I find?

My eyes and yours.
I donít see my eyes in yours.




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Comments

The following comments are for "My Eyes In Yours"
by Majnuna

My Eyes In Yours
there's such a tension to this, like love has to be wrested from the heart (and eyes) of the unwilling. It opens a gulf between a love professed in words and the cold reality of looking in to a person's eyes and seeing and feeling nothing there. Looking for love in pitch dark eyes, that's an arresting and haunting image. One thing I would say is maybe the last two lines should be broken up somehow. I don't know why but I get the feeling they'd be more effective is spaced out. Maybe "My eyes and yours" should come right at the start, before even "You said to me". But that's just my opinion, which doesn't count for much. Other than that I thought this was superb, especially the plunging in to centuries of desire. Beautiful.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: September 17, 2006 )

Emptiness
I loved the abhorrent realization in this, and the disappointment.

"How long will I have to search them
Until the soul of the diamond I find?"

doesn't work for me.

But . . .

"My eyes and yours.
I donít see my eyes in yours."

is perfect.

( Posted by: Viper9 [Member] On: September 17, 2006 )





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