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Critical thinker
critical mind
Squinter winker
half-hearted smile
Wait for green light
stop for red
Brake, accelerate, yellow
full steam ahead

Mystical stinker
fatal flaw
Blinder blinker
tight-lipped jaw
Closed-gated fate
upstairs closet
Basement equated rate
frost tossed faucet

First conscious stream
conjugal ties
Slip-stream dreamer
trying times
Critical moment
critical time
Quotient awoken
bullit-hole dime

Latent print memory
inner dinner shys
Factory dimmery
critical lies
Freak shatter glass
unbroken portal
Last critical mass
evermore mortal.


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Comments

The following comments are for "Silly-assed Purpose Poem"
by williamhill

Purpose Poem
good to see you here again willhill. I liked this, but it did make my head hurt, came at me at frenetic frantic pace like a cryptic rhymic freight train. Which is... okay. There's a lot to chew on in this, lot of verbal meat too, lot of lyrically pleasing lines. At the moment my favourite is "frost tossed faucet"- You know, it's the third time I've read that word, "faucet", in a poem in as many days. not that that has anything to do with anything-. Loved the last stanza too "ever more mortal". The whole things seems to decribe changes in conscious processes or various inter-connected conscious states, like a biography told through the mind... humm... or not, like I said you made my head hurt, but depite that I shall continue to return. Lot in this. Good stuff.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: September 14, 2006 )

Veeeerrrryy Unexpected
This is a really different style of poem from you, Charlie. Didn't expect it at all. I love the frenetic pace and the thoughts sprayed like bullets from a machine gun. It had the feel of a rap.

I'd love to hear the story behind this. Partly out of interest and partly because I can't quite figure it out!

( Posted by: Viper9 [Member] On: September 14, 2006 )

Charlie
Convoluted gyrations...

Cool.

You do,



( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: September 14, 2006 )

ryhthm works
This is really jazzy, snappy, almost hip-hop (the good kind), has a lot of shapes and colors without phony sensativities.

Well paced, good poem.

BW

( Posted by: BWOz [Member] On: September 14, 2006 )

Very close to perfect
I love stuff like this.

Language has a beat, has a rhytym, has song, has meter. We can't deny it. We can choose to write stuff that ignores the lift and drop of words... but it's still there. When we pay attention, ah what fun.

There are only a couple places where the rhythm really falters, and, I think, could be even smoother:

"Brake, accelerate, yellow"

The word "accellerate" is a long-ass word, and hard to fit in.

"Brake, faster, yellow," or somethin' would flow smoother.

Same with:

"Basement equated rate"

Too many syllables in that line.

And, besides, "Cut basement rate," or "Basement cut rate," or "Cut rate in basement," gets the word "cut," in there... which I think fits your silly assed purpose even better.

You and I agree on many things. And disagree on others; including, I think, the conclusions at the center of the "purpose" of this not-silly-at-all poem. But as I also believe in the use of irony in poetry, yea! even unto the title... that also chalks one up for you in the "nearly perfect" category.

I won't argue the theology, philosophy or politics in this thread, WH. The poem is freakin' great.

As to the effective use of hammer-bright, staccato fast, as you say "bullit" rhythms... they fit your "purpose" brilliantly. That's synesthesia of the highest order; whent the form of the poem fits its function.

Bang bang, my friend, eh?

Bang bang, indeed.

( Posted by: andyhavens [Member] On: September 17, 2006 )





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