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From her hallowed eyes they poured,
thick, thicker still when on the pavement,
each tear fell upon a burning cord,
unraveling it with each passing lament.

Oh tears, so many tears,

The summer heat dampens the pain,
hot, hotter until all goes numb across the chest,
as if each drip is in vain,
and each drop puts the sad memories to rest.

Oh tears, so many tears,

She watched on as his life abated,
hot, hotter still the tongues of smoke became,
until all of the ash and sorrow integrated,
twisting her heart with dread till lame.

Oh tears, so many tears,

Five years ago those tears flowed,
thick, thicker until all of the atlantic was her sorrow,
The city of New York had thus growed,
but she'd still not wake to his presence tomorrow...

Oh tears, so many tears.

All not saved will be lost.

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The following comments are for "Tears, So many Tears"
by Siah

Tears, So many Tears
of my favourite lines are "She watched on as his life abated" and "until all of the ash and sorrow integrated". I think that was probably my favourite stanza all round. All I'd say is lose the "all of the". For some reason, just ash and sorrow has more effect, for me at least (but do feel cheerfully free to ignore me at will). The last line of the last stanza is a heart-breaker too, and I'm not sure you need that last repetition, if it detracts from the impact of that line. Also, I'm not so sure about the "Oh". Simply, I think tears speak for themselves and the "oh" is in danger of overstating, making the piece almost melodramatic, and it has enough emotional drama as it is.

Sorry, to nit-pick, I only do so because I like this one and I want to like it more (if that even makes sense?) Anyway, that's just what works for me and I won't be offended if you ignore me completely. On the whole I liked this piece and it's emotionally tumultuous quality.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: September 12, 2006 )

I have to agree with AuldMiseryGuts. Thanks for posting

( Posted by: wanda [Member] On: September 12, 2006 )

When the emotions know that something or someone dear is gone forever, nothing can be more reassuring than a river of one's own tears when there is no one else's hand to hold. Another job well done, Siah: you are a master of the images!


( Posted by: ArsPoet2789ica [Member] On: September 12, 2006 )

Well done, Siah. A stirring lament. Loved every line except "The city of New York had thus growed". That one doesn't work. But the rest, oh yes, they work wonders.

I'd keep the "Oh," as it connotes, to me, a soft breath before the line begins. And I like that. But I agree with AMG's suggestion about losing the last repetition.

This would make a lovely song, by the way.

( Posted by: viper9 [Member] On: September 12, 2006 )

nice piece man, i agree with the rest, this is one good one.
hmmm just wondering, i read this piece and get tthe feeling that it is about september 11th and that the female person you descibe is the US in a way.

'thick, thicker until all of the atlantic was her sorrow,
The city of New York had thus growed,
but she'd still not wake to his presence tomorrow...'

i read this and feel the vibe of september 11th, and seeing that it was posted yesterday and checked today even provokes more thought on my idea that it is about that day.

but all and all i like the poem alot.

( Posted by: deraj [Member] On: September 12, 2006 )

Shannon, Viper, Aubri, Windchime, Deraj
Thanks for commenting, all of you, now let me answer each and every one of you personally.

Shannon; I understand you very well. Maybe I should take away "all of the" but I felt it needed that piece simply because so much sorrow from so many different people (incidentaly the ash also came from different people) became her sorrow. The "Oh" itself was more of a pause. So that when you read it you'd have an extra timeslot to breath in. The last repitition could be pulled out though.

Wanda; Kinko what I said to Shannon.

Aubri; As always, you praise me way too much.

Viper; The New York city line was intended to imply that A; she was around new york and B; 9-11. Maybe I should fix it though. I will try to change it into a lyric some day :D

Demeter; I think this is one of the first times I've recieved a comment from you. Thanks.

Deraj; Ba kompronde swa. It was a vague hint to the nine/eleven happenings. I thought that five years, the atlantic and new york would tie it in. Thanks man.

Windchime; Another person who noticed something. I wasn't a typo, really. More a stab. You could take hallowed eyes as either meaning that a woman's tears are special/respectful/holy, or that an angel was crying all our sorrows. I tried to make it so that the poem could be read in several manners. Sorry that I confused you though.

Phew, any one else want to comment :D

( Posted by: Siah [Member] On: September 13, 2006 )

...and Liberty cried

Yes I do, I read this several times and felt the same as Lucie though I couldn't relate to the actual source of the tears (again from ' her hallowed eyes'). I had the feeling you was relating to New York hersef as the one crying for the deaths.

Lucie's comments, put this together for me as the symbol of freedom and the city. I will always personally think of this one being titled 'Liberty'

It works well, a sad but interesting read...


( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: September 14, 2006 )

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