Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search

Average Rating

(1 votes)

RatingRated by

You must login to vote


He'd give her his last
Cigarette butt
She wouldn't take it

johnlovejr at hotmail dot com

Related Items


The following comments are for "Shorty"
by Flonigus

I liked this. Felt like there wasn't so much a begining, middle and an end but an end an end and an end. Things are either at an end or being snubbed and cut short. It's kind of a curt, blunt little poem like a lover's ernest efforts at making peace being shot down with a curt remark. Was a tense three lines, cool.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: September 12, 2006 )

I don't see an offer of peace being shunned; I see a stubborn, cocky chickadee who's too self-sufficient to take anything from 'him,' whoever he is. Also could flip that around, a couple so wrapped in each other that he would give up the last of something dear to him (i.e., cigarette = addiction), which even though she desires, she wouldn't dare take because it is dear to him.

Now I'm not sure what the hell I'm talking about.

I know I like it, though

( Posted by: chinadoll [Member] On: September 12, 2006 )

Oh yeah
I've been on both sides of that fence, man. Well done.

( Posted by: viper9 [Member] On: September 12, 2006 )

Short Thanks
Chinadoll, you get a coupon good for 20% off on the cost of work done at hundreds of participating taxidermy studios in the continental United States. As soon as I find the thing.

Anyway, the second part of your speculation, right after "could flip that around", pretty much covers my vision of the couple's relationship.

There are other elements to this poem, which I am only too glad to point out:

The title has at least three somewhat relevant meanings- it's a short poem, "shorty" has been in vogue on the streets as a term for a girl or girlfriend and as a name for a partially smoked cigarette that is saved for later.

The intention was for "butt" to be a pun.

Thank you, everyone, for commenting.

Now I must go to begin to create another unfathomable construction of words.

~ John

( Posted by: Flonigus [Member] On: September 13, 2006 )

Short Poem Long On Love
My take on this is that it is a love poem. A perfect love poem. One person giving the other person the shirt off their back, and the other person refusing the shirt because their love is true and they want the person to keep the shirt, which is equal, perhaps even more, than their need for a shirt.

That may sound goofy, but that's my take on this poem, which no matter how you mean it, is a real fine little diddy. Succinct and perfectly worded. Using just 11 words. And it's got soul.

And the title's perfect, too. Short on worldly goods; long on love.

( Posted by: gomarsoap [Member] On: September 13, 2006 )

Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.