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Jesus got invited to all the parties because he could turn water into wine. But He never made beer. He said it wouldn’t be kosher. He did grow some wicked kind though. He gave it freely to one and all, with the blessing “This bud’s for you”.


Jesus’ youthful attempts to form a rock band proved fruitless. Everybody wanted to be first rock. (First Rock would not be a good name for a rock band.)





And He met Mary. That’s me Mum’s name, thought Jesus.



“Hey, that’s me Mum’s name”, spoketh Jesus.



“What’s your Dad’s name?” inquired Mary.



“I’m not sure who my father is”, replied Jesus. “Mary doesn’t sound very Jewish”, He continued.



“Jesus doesn’t sound very Latino.”







Jesus Shaves



Ironically, Jesus had only a sword to shave with and a shield as his mirror. After several adverse results He decided to grow a beard. It was easier, plus the beard would cover the scars.







Bah Mitzvah Humbug!



As Jesus overturned the buffet tables laden with a sinful combination of cheese and meats, and ham even, He proclaimed “You call this a Bah Mitzvah?!” Jesus may have had a bit too much water. It was actually a Shriners' convention.


Awakenings

As Jesus began to regain Consciousness everything you just read and more flashed through His mind. When the room stopped spinning Jesus realized He was lying in a in a pool of His own vinegar on the floor of a jail cell.

s0830060405


Next time on Teen Jesus:





A Divine Intervention




OR




Help Me Yahweh




OR




Minor Prophet, Major Problems
















------


"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesman and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do."

- Ralph 'Where's Waldo' Emerson




"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like. And I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."
- Bilbo Baggins













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Comments

The following comments are for "Teen Jesus"
by drsoos

Don't cross the line too far...
Religious satire is a very sensitive art...do be careful with your continuation!

( Posted by: ArsPoet2789ica [Member] On: August 30, 2006 )

Teen Jesus
Seriously funny shit, as usual.

But how can you have a story about teen jesus without a scene of sweaty, shameful, self-abuse?

( Posted by: viper9 [Member] On: August 30, 2006 )

Yah, dude, like it totally rules!
hahaha! hilarious!

( Posted by: JScript18 [Member] On: August 30, 2006 )

So this...
...is what happened during the mysterious lack of record for Jesus' life from adolescent to 40 year old man.

It all makes sense, now.

( Posted by: chinadoll [Member] On: August 30, 2006 )

Jesus, The Teen Years
Feels better than cinnamon pretty sprinkles on my hot buns.

( Posted by: Legs [Member] On: August 30, 2006 )

Growing up guru...
soos unloosed!...

Keep blowing sand downwind...



Bibbing in Babylon,
Bobby7L


( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: August 31, 2006 )

Great skit
I hope I don't get struck down with lightning from laughing so hard.

Great piece of humor

BW

( Posted by: BWOz [Member] On: September 6, 2006 )





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