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Jesus got invited to all the parties because he could turn water into wine. But He never made beer. He said it wouldn’t be kosher. He did grow some wicked kind though. He gave it freely to one and all, with the blessing “This bud’s for you”.
Jesus’ youthful attempts to form a rock band proved fruitless. Everybody wanted to be first rock. (First Rock would not be a good name for a rock band.)
And He met Mary. That’s me Mum’s name, thought Jesus.
“Hey, that’s me Mum’s name”, spoketh Jesus.
“What’s your Dad’s name?” inquired Mary.
“I’m not sure who my father is”, replied Jesus. “Mary doesn’t sound very Jewish”, He continued.
“Jesus doesn’t sound very Latino.”
Ironically, Jesus had only a sword to shave with and a shield as his mirror. After several adverse results He decided to grow a beard. It was easier, plus the beard would cover the scars.
Bah Mitzvah Humbug!
As Jesus overturned the buffet tables laden with a sinful combination of cheese and meats, and ham even, He proclaimed “You call this a Bah Mitzvah?!” Jesus may have had a bit too much water. It was actually a Shriners' convention.
As Jesus began to regain Consciousness everything you just read and more flashed through His mind. When the room stopped spinning Jesus realized He was lying in a in a pool of His own vinegar on the floor of a jail cell.
Next time on Teen Jesus:
A Divine Intervention
Help Me Yahweh
Minor Prophet, Major Problems
"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesman and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do."
- Ralph 'Where's Waldo' Emerson
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like. And I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."
- Bilbo Baggins