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I check my watch. Three o’clock. She should have arrived by now. I scan the street. No sign. Where was she? Did she crash in a heap of cars on the freeway? Or maybe she got stuck at work. She did have a better job after all, with plenty more responsibility than Joseph the loser boyfriend. Maybe she just figured out I wasn’t worth her time anymore. Maybe I wasn’t good enough; Dutch dinners and busy schedules, the occasional argument, his lack of direction. Maybe she’d moved on, letting me go in a slow series of missed appointments, culminating in the sudden message, “Get lost!”
And would I? The best thing I’ve ever encountered in my life…and the hardest to handle. Tough call. But I’d thought about it before. Maybe this time she’d decide for me. Save me the trouble. It would be a release really. Get on with our lives. Life’s too short. And we aren’t getting anywhere, anyway.

“Joseph.” Oh. There she is. In her BMW across the street, waving me over like a servant to her open passenger window. “Let’s go, I have half an hour for lunch.”

I sigh, and step into the car.

"I must create my own system, or be enslaved by another man's"-William Blake

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The following comments are for "Late"
by Malthis

Going for
I really liked what you were going for here, and thought it was a fantastic start. Who hasn't been in this situation, right? haha.

I think what it needs to move from "fantastic start" to "simply fantastic" is more urgency in that first ranting paragraph, more speed, a greater sense of stream-of-consciousness rambling. You've started it, but I'd have preferred it more extreme.

Then when you slow things down and get to the tranquil and mundane act of getting into the car, the contrast will be greater. More jarring.

Enjoyed it.

( Posted by: Viper9 [Member] On: August 30, 2006 )

Thank you Viper for your comments. This was a little stream of consciousness exercize, and i think you are dead on about urgency. I like your take on pacing. Thanks again.

( Posted by: Malthis [Member] On: September 1, 2006 )

@ malthis
Since you popped in to the board today, I'm spending some time reading the work you have here at litdotorg. This is the first piece I've called up.

I'm liking it very much. Welcome back!


( Posted by: OchaniLele [Member] On: January 20, 2009 )

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