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Trade my halo for a pitchfork
And my white dress for red G-strings
I see your footprints by the lake
and begin to follow, my past fading with every step
I am not who I once was, but still the same
I'm frightened by the snarling creatures crawling 'round me
I keep walking to see if this is a test I must pass or if I will sink into an abyss

This one is about what is going on in my head right now, besides memorizing things for tests. Tchus!

Mad monkey fling poo!

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The following comments are for "?????"
by SingChi

I really thought this poem started off strong but kind of fell apart in the last 3 lines. I think you've got something good here, but needs some work at the end. And of course, eventually a title.

Halo & white dress for pitchfork and G-string - very effective images!

( Posted by: gomarsoap [Member] On: August 19, 2006 )

"trade my halo for a pitchfork?"
I love that line.

( Posted by: Legs [Member] On: August 19, 2006 )

Uh, I have no idea how to take your diagnosis. The imagery was meant to show that I am not an innocent little girl any more (totally by choice), although I am somewhat 'confused and scared' at the moment. And by 'still the same' I meant that I am alone right now, as I have always been alone. I guess one of my friends would call it 'me looking for some one to depend upon to help me get through my day, because I am co-dependant' as he said. I guess I am. And yeah, this kinda fell apart at the end, I wrote this in piano class and I got distracted from my original thing becuase I was called up to play something.

( Posted by: SingChi [Member] On: August 19, 2006 )

"trade my halo for a pitchfork/ And my white dress for red G-strings" is a great line and a wonderful opening. Not so sure about the last line, 'cause I feel like I've heard it before, sinking in to abysses. Still, there's a nice ominousness here, like you're stood on the beach in your G-string and can't quite decide if you like it or not, or if you want to run back to the white dress. Is it the indecision of growing up? Or have I missed the point completely. Either way, I liked it, though I felt it could be expanded upon, and the last line should say something more striking.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: August 22, 2006 )

I totally agree, Auld. But I wrote this and posted it within one school day and I just wanted to post something, I'm not quite sure how I'd change the stuff yet. And I couldn't think of how to make the last line stand out (i was distracted by listening to Creed in Piano class).
And you are right about the 'standing out there in my underwear trying to decide if I like it or I want to go back to the white dress.' But the past cannot be undone. Perhaps if I get very bored, I will re-write this.

( Posted by: SingChi [Member] On: August 22, 2006 )

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