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9Teflon
10wanda

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Dreamed that I was alive instead
Wake up to find that Iím still dead. No one cares,
When theyíre all sleeping.

One day the Sun will have to stop
Locusts will eat our final crop. Itís okay,
They are just hungry.

I saw in your eyes that dead soul light
Open your mouth and itís too bright. Turn it out,
Itís cold on my skin.

My visionís milked by mushroom juice
My body will be of no use. That is if,
I can even find it.

Bury you in someone elseís plot
Where even pretty faces rot. No they wonít,
Ever find you.




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Comments

The following comments are for "Sleeping"
by BAAL

Sleeping
Once again, wow! Actually I really like the tight structure of this one and the rhymes are original and well constructed, my favourite being the hungry locusts of the second stanza. I'd love to hear this set to music, I can almost imagine it. BAAL, you draw your readers to the darkness and make it a pleasure, a delight and a thrill to go there. I tip my hat to you *doffs cap*

Shannon

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: August 15, 2006 )

Someone else's plot
Bury you in someone elseís plot
Where even pretty faces rot. No they wonít,
Ever find you.


Sounds like a creepy threat one of my ex's made to me, years ago.

Other than that little jolt, I really liked this. I take that back. Including the little jolt, I really liked this. "Where even pretty faces rot..." Sinister flattery.

( Posted by: chinadoll [Member] On: August 15, 2006 )

Sleeping
BAAL, this one is creepy, good, dark and well just you! WOE, the things you make your readers go through. I am with Chinadoll on this one, that sinister flattery is a treat!

Nae

( Posted by: nae411 [Member] On: August 16, 2006 )





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