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Okay, um, uh, what, yeah, uh-huh.........NO!!

Oh sorry, involuntary day dream. It just picks up a half assed thought and runs with it and scars me for a few. Wouldn't be that bad though, if things weren't the way they are. Oh well, thats horny perverted little me.

Just recently I have gotten back in touch with the person who took my heart and made it so that I will never have another one (just for you, you know who you are, that was not a metaphor). Some might say that I am not fright in the head for that. It's been a month since I spoke to him.

Like my sister, I told her that I would drop a quick hello and make some wierd excuse to leave. And she told me not to, that he'd bad-mouth me or something. And me being the stubborn bitch I am, I didn't listen. Hello, this is me, I do whatever I think is best, regardless of what others say.(I could make a whole argument on this.)

And so, I called and we actually had a nice coversation that lasted longer than five minutes, and.....devoid of tension. Except when I had the nervous shakes and accidentally knocked a bunch of hsit on the floor. He heard it, and I had to actually make up some dumb lie. It worked though.
We talked about our summers since not speaking and I of course made up a bunch of crap to decieve him, make him think I didn't cry over him a lot, but he'll probably read this one day and find out. I wouldn't have lied to him about anything big like crying every night, five months ago, but he does not deserve my respect.

And even though I could go on for a good while about how bad he is, I do still care for him. Just not in that way. It's sort of like he's Bradley* number two. Let me tell you something, Bradley is a person from my past and current future, a good friend I love as a brother. I would stick up for him, fight for him (and to those who are going to comment saying there's my knight in shining armour, stop reading now) and all that great stuff. But, as a boy, he will in his lifetime get into things that could kill him. and the other guy, Robert*, is too, sadly.

So here I am, sitting on my little ass worrying and being all femininly depressed over two boys who could care less if they died. Im not sure how Robert feels about living though. But Bradley already tried to end it all, and I found out two weeks ago, some time after he did it. The last time Robert tried, it was for a reaction, he didn't really mean it, he thought he did though.

I suppose Im just complaing that I am scared for the two boys in my life ( do I even have the right to say that?) that most would say to just let them die. Are my thoughts rational?

Just watch, in three or four years another guy will come along after Bradley has killed himself (this is all hypathetical) and the same crap will happen all over again. Just watch, twenty bucks says Brad and Rob die. Come on, you sick soul-less meatsacks! Place your bets! Human life has less worth than a grain of sand!! Any higher bids?
Who wants to watch me as I hold either one of them as they die?

Things like this get me hysterical. Forgive me. These things get me worked up real quick. If I could, I would heal their wounds, but I can't so I am powerless.

I'm guessing soon I'll have to convince Robert not to take his life, along with Bradley. I'm afraid Robert won't listen though, or someone else will get to him before he can do it himself.
What am I supposed to do?

Mad monkey fling poo!

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The following comments are for "The old crabby-scorned-girl jig"
by SingChi

Emotions take over...
I guess that the best thing you and I can do about this is to keep caring and let our troubled friends know that we care about them too much to watch them waste their everything away. It's sad seeing people dig themselves deeper and deeper into holes of despair, but it won't be so bad for us if we know how we feel about it.


( Posted by: ArsPoet2789ica [Member] On: August 7, 2006 )

I don't know if it's just me, but when I'm about to do something harmfull to myself or talk about doing something dangerous one of the women I live with (my dad nevers hears any of this crap) tell me either no or don't do that, and I ususally do not care. I would do whatever it is just to rub it in their faces. I usually push people away when they care about me and tie strings to me.

And if you ever try to convince another human to do something that would benefit them, they go the opposite direction. Words do not work, in fact nothing does, the person actually has to want to get better in order to do so.

( Posted by: SingChi [Member] On: August 19, 2006 )

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