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Flute flutters, long-lashed
Cello dances, silk skirt swirls
Oboe, charmed, bows low.


(A/N: is it kosher to punctuate haiku? On my first (probably last) attempt, I realise I don't really know the rules...)


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The following comments are for "Haiku concerto"
by MobiusSoul

rules
for someone who doesn't "know the rules" you did an exceptional job. In 13 words you took me there.

( Posted by: Ashmedai [Member] On: August 2, 2006 )

Haiku concerto
Bugger the rules. Feather-light lyrical touch worked great as a glimpse. Enticing. So much so vivid in so few words. I'm impressed and envious.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: August 2, 2006 )

Haiku concerto
Rules? You don't need to follow no steenking rules! This is lovely.

( Posted by: chinadoll [Member] On: August 2, 2006 )

No Stinkin Rules!!!
Yeeah! I follow Chinadoll in cheering you on! This is great. I like it.

( Posted by: Legs [Member] On: August 2, 2006 )

The anarchist-haiku ethic
People of sympathy and imagination, thank you. Your collective disregard for the 'rules' is charming :) Poetically, this one didn't quite do it for me to be honest, but then, haiku rarely do. (White men can't dance? No more, I fear, can westerners write authentic haiku...) Nevertheless, this is what came to me, and I can't afford to be choosy these days.

Perhaps I'm just too aware that even an extravagant epic of a poem would still be eclipsed by the music itself: poetry about music being as redundant as poetry about poetry. Guess I just couldn't keep my greedy lyrical fingers off another person's gorgeous work of art. And Dvorak is, presumably, too dead at present to be offended by my shabby tribute, so no harm done...

( Posted by: MobiusSoul [Member] On: August 2, 2006 )

Treasure of the Sierra Haiku
I think Anton would be pleased.

I like your haiku, especially because it has an oboe in it - I love the oboe.

Haiku rules? I think people who write a short poem and call it haiku because it has 3 lines and a 5/7/5 syllable count are somewhat misguided. I've read traditional haiku that has 2 lines and some that have 4 lines. When translated into English they don't always have 17 syllables.

I'm totally ignorant about the Japanese language, but I've read that Japanese doesn't even have syllables - they're more like emphasis points. One haiku scholar said that, ideally, a haiku written in English would have about 13 syllables.

I think most important is the content. Haiku is supposed to have a sense of "detachment," in the sense of Buddhist detachment.

Many years ago, R.H. Blythe wrote: Haiku sees things in their "suchness," without comment - a view of the world which the Japanese call sono-mama, "Just as it is," or "Just so."

A haiku is not a poem, it is not literature; it is a hand beckoning, a door half-opened, a mirror wiped clean. It is a way of returning to nature, our moon nature, our cherry blossom nature, our falling leaf nature, in short to our Buddha nature. It is a way in which the cold winter rain, the swallows of evening, even the every day in its hotness, and the length of the night become truely alive, share in our humanity, speak their own silent and expressive language. [unquote]

Here are a few examples:


The desolation of winter-
passing through a small village,
a dog barks. (by Shiki)


The wind brings
fallen leaves enough
to make a fire. (by Ryokan)


The long night-
the sound of the water
says what I think. (by Gochiku)


The sea darkens.
The voices of the wild ducks
are faintly white. (author ?)


If I counted right, the poems have a syllable count of 18, 12, 13, and 15. Not one of them had 17.

So as far as rules, go figure. I think content is most important and the way it is said.

People have different views regarding haiku in English. This is only my 2 cents worth.





( Posted by: gomarsoap [Member] On: August 2, 2006 )

one of the best
i've read here!

j.jd.

( Posted by: johnjohndoe [Member] On: August 2, 2006 )

Gomar, JJD - haiku wisdom
JJD - Thank you. Your own haiku sometimes disprove my own aphorism (unless of course, you happen to be Japanese). So I am honoured.

Gomar - That's the most eloquent 2 cents I've pocketed in a while... and illuminating too - I'm grateful you took the time. The 'just so'-ness is something I was more or less aware of: perhaps after all that's why this bit of ephemera emerged in haiku-form, stemming from a desire, sprawled upon grass watching all those tawny cello-spirals stirring up the sky, to convey the pure dancerly-ness of the concerto; the way the music takes on life and colour.

But the theory regarding Japanese linguistics I didn't know at all. I'm not sure if I have Buddha nature, though I sure would like one. Anyway... that means I can screw around with the syllables? I can have, say, 'cello dances, rainbow skirts a-swirl'. Or 'oboe, smitten, bows low'? Hey, I like haiku better already...

I also love the oboe. It has such gravitas, such capacity for mourning and magnificence. The oboe is to flute as the rumba is to the chacha. Sexier.

Oh, and I didn't steal this! I merely... borrowed :) Only 'great artists' steal, right? (Bogart included...)

( Posted by: MobiusSoul [Member] On: August 3, 2006 )

Musical Haiku
Yeah, what Gomar said...
I liked this very much- Felt the swell of the music. Loved the "long-lashed" flute! thanks.
Elizabeth

( Posted by: emaks [Member] On: August 4, 2006 )

Gorgeous!!
This poem is simply lovely in its simplicity. I read it over several times; enjoying it each time. It evoked memories and yet holds the ability to make us hear music in our inner spirit.

( Posted by: The demure 1 [Member] On: August 4, 2006 )

Not doggerel


Multi-imaged Zen (or feng shui?)

Seems haiku-ey to me. I like.

s

( Posted by: drsoos [Member] On: August 6, 2006 )

emaks, feline, demure & soos...
Thank you all: as a haiku virgin, I was especially pleased by your warm reception for this little bit of fluff. ('Haiku virgin' - now there's a title I think I'll leave JJD to write. Or, indeed, 'Haiku bit-of-fluff'...??)

( Posted by: MobiusSoul [Member] On: August 8, 2006 )





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