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If you would see me again,
Id undress,
I would cast off sheath, and shield, and armament,
Turn away quilt, comforter, jacket
I would take off denim, wool,
Underwires and bits of lace
Jewelry, ribbon, face paint
All sent away.
Step out of earth, water, skin
And fiction
If you would see me again.
I would be peeled, stripped,
And transparent
And no different in form or intent
From the first or last time we met,
If you would see me again.

She falls softly down from towering pedastools...

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The following comments are for "Lost Cause"
by shefallssoftly

How perfectly and unpretentiously this poem describes that feeling: pleading to be seen as 'no different in form or intent
From the first or last time we met'

Time and circumstance truly change the eyes of others more - and more cruelly - than they change the truth we perceive of ourselves. (I lost sight way back of which is actually reality: my perception or theirs. Perhaps the two are cause'n'effect, so this poem is fighting the inevitable?)

I particularly like 'Step out of earth, water, skin/And fiction'. (Smart line-break, for the greatest of these is fiction.) I'd drop the final 'And' because its repetition stutters things for me. That's all.

( Posted by: MobiusSoul [Member] On: July 31, 2006 )

It's like, "What you see is what you get. But you have to really see."

Terrific poem. Very seductive and cocoon-like.

( Posted by: gomarsoap [Member] On: August 3, 2006 )

lost cause, mobius, lucie, gomar
Mobius- I always look forward to your comments. Fiction is the hardest layer to step out of, but the most important... Problem is finding someone who believes you. Thanks for reading.

Lucie- Thank you for you comment, I do think there is a lot of finding in this poem. More of a revelation to self, than a promise to other.

Gomar- A cocoon is a very ironic way to describe this poem, but nice... I like it quite a bit. "Cocooned in my bare skin" is rather catchy. Thank you for all of your attention on these recent works of mine.


( Posted by: shefallssoftly [Member] On: August 4, 2006 )

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