Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 
Lost Cause
by shefallssoftly (Member) - published: July 31, 2006
Word Count: 82 Word Bytes: 544 Viewed: 358 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by shefallssoftly





Average Rating
9

(1 votes)


RatingRated by
9williamhill

You must login to vote

If you would see me again,
I’d undress,
I would cast off sheath, and shield, and armament,
Turn away quilt, comforter, jacket
I would take off denim, wool,
Underwires and bits of lace
Jewelry, ribbon, face paint
All sent away.
Step out of earth, water, skin
And fiction
If you would see me again.
I would be peeled, stripped,
And transparent
And no different in form or intent
From the first or last time we met,
If you would see me again.

------
She falls softly down from towering pedastools...


Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "Lost Cause"
by shefallssoftly

Poignant
How perfectly and unpretentiously this poem describes that feeling: pleading to be seen as 'no different in form or intent
From the first or last time we met'

Time and circumstance truly change the eyes of others more - and more cruelly - than they change the truth we perceive of ourselves. (I lost sight way back of which is actually reality: my perception or theirs. Perhaps the two are cause'n'effect, so this poem is fighting the inevitable?)

I particularly like 'Step out of earth, water, skin/And fiction'. (Smart line-break, for the greatest of these is fiction.) I'd drop the final 'And' because its repetition stutters things for me. That's all.

( Posted by: MobiusSoul [Member] On: July 31, 2006 )

lost cause
"Step out of earth, water, skin/And fiction": best lines here: they are so evocative, they transport!

I find more "found" here than "lost".

There is a pleasing texture to this, a seamlessness of tone, and a "finish" , a "polish" that gives it permanence.

Thank you for posting this beauty.

Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: August 2, 2006 )

Chrysalis
It's like, "What you see is what you get. But you have to really see."

Terrific poem. Very seductive and cocoon-like.

( Posted by: gomarsoap [Member] On: August 3, 2006 )

lost cause, mobius, lucie, gomar
Mobius- I always look forward to your comments. Fiction is the hardest layer to step out of, but the most important... Problem is finding someone who believes you. Thanks for reading.

Lucie- Thank you for you comment, I do think there is a lot of finding in this poem. More of a revelation to self, than a promise to other.

Gomar- A cocoon is a very ironic way to describe this poem, but nice... I like it quite a bit. "Cocooned in my bare skin" is rather catchy. Thank you for all of your attention on these recent works of mine.

-C

( Posted by: shefallssoftly [Member] On: August 4, 2006 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:




© Lit.Org All rights reserved.
Home | Privacy Policy | FAQ | Media Kit | Site Map | About Us | Staff | Scrap Book

Login:
Password: