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"Amid those landscapes roams the soul,
disappears, returns, draws nearer, moves away,
a stranger to itself, elusive,
now sure, now uncertain of its own existence,
while the body is and is and is
and has nowhere to go." -Wislawa Szymborska

Itís cold tonight
You stare at me
And Iím afraid the wind might pierce me
Bare skin, chapped hands, iced lips
A thousand icicle pins, probes, forceps
Immobilize and look inside
Your fingertips, my palm,
Blood rushes to my cheeks
I donít belong
In this skin
Youíre holding my hand
I try not to answer to reality
Caffeine and nicotine
Chatting idly,
I try to convince myself that
We all work this hard
To seem brilliant
I can feel your gaze
I catch your eye
And quickly glance away
Situate, disengage, resituate, run away
Useless stalk and capture when Iím the prey
You smile at me
You look happy and I claim this moment
As security

She falls softly down from towering pedastools...

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The following comments are for "Esse Est Percipi"
by shefallssoftly

Working hard to be brilliant
I like this poem - there's some really good writing and images in it. And it has genuine feeling.

I don't think it needs the big quote at the beginning and should just stand on it's own.

I got a little confused with "forceps/ Immobilize and look inside" - it didn't seem clear to me what you were saying.

The ending is okay but I was expecting a bigger punch.

Very good writing. It's obvious you really work at it. Your writing always seems to take chances - not an easy thing to do - but greatly appreciated by this reader.

( Posted by: gomarsoap [Member] On: August 3, 2006 )

Working hard
I screwed up. I meant to title my remark, "Working hard to seem brilliant" because I was really taken by that part of the poem. If I had a penny for everytime I've felt that way, I'd be...well, I'd have alot of pennies. I always cringe when I'm in a group and everybody is being effortlessly brilliant. I usually clam up, feeling socially inept.

I also was moved by "Blood rushes to my cheeks/ I don't belong/ In this skin."

( Posted by: gomarsoap [Member] On: August 3, 2006 )

You look happy and I claim this moment
I like the ending alot. You tell us how it is. You're direct and to the point. I like it. And the ending you just easily wind it down. Good poem.

( Posted by: thesadpoet [Member] On: August 3, 2006 )

Brilliance, Security, Gomar, sadpoet
Gomar- Thank you for your kind words. This one is still a bit rough, there's some imagery that's not quite blossoming yet. We really do all try to be brilliant, I think... It's never effortless... I hope.

sadpoet- We can't always go out with a bang, sometimes all we find in ourselves is a whimper. Thanks for dropping by.


( Posted by: shefallssoftly [Member] On: August 4, 2006 )

I'm with Gomar -- lose the quotes and you have a beautiful, rich, gem. You make discomfort seem desirable!

( Posted by: Viper9 [Member] On: August 4, 2006 )

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