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Here I'll wait for him
In the death covered garden
Not sure anyone new
Will notice this pit beneath
The suicide trees
God will not send an angel
For they have all died
So here I am, left to die
Because my 'angel' is gone

I know, it came out emo. I guess this makes me a hypocrit now.

Mad monkey fling poo!

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The following comments are for "New 3"
by SingChi

New 3 (SingChi)
The term 'emo' makes me cringe. What the hell is 'emo' but an abbreviation of the word 'emotion'? What the hell is a poet without a deep well of emotion? Everyone has felt, at least once in their life, like they have been abandoned by their God, lover, soul-mate, best friend, departed loved ones... it doesn't make us 'emo,' it makes us human.

As for this poem, I really liked the opening two lines, as well as the description of 'suicide trees,' - but there's something about the last two lines that doesn't sit right. I have the same problem with a lot of my poems.

It could be the slight redundancy.. "For they have all died / So here I am, left to die / Because my 'angel' is gone"

I would try something like, "For they have all died / And I am left here to await / Divine intervention in this dead garden" - although I'm pretty cheesy and I doubt that would work for anyone else but me. ;)

I like it, all told, and I hope you don't think I was criticizing you in my rantesque first paragraph, because I wasn't. We're all emo, even if you don't wear your hair in your face and pout an awful lot.


( Posted by: chinadoll [Member] On: July 27, 2006 )

two things
First off, I meant 'I was acting like an emo kid, many of which attend my highschool, they're very annoying and I can think of so many creative ways to......sorry about that. I get violent when it comes to my honest opinions. But what i meant by that was I was acting like something I hated, which in my head makes me a hypocrit. Sort of, I guess.

Second, the suggestion you offered would not fit fo this type of poem. It's a Japanese form called Naga-uta, which can be however long you wish, it alternates five and seven syllable lines ending with two seven syllable lines.

I got bored one night, stubled upon a glossary of poetic terms and wrote down the different poem types, this seemed easiest so with this I started.

And lastly I hate to sound mean to you and burn myself at the same time(more so sound angry at you, I don't even know you), but I have been alone for as long as I can remember. The people I've become attached to always leave me, and always will, so those who are to come in the future might as well die now or go somewhere else. If I am to be alone forever like I hope not, I know the way out. But there are so many things I haven't done yet, so I'll be staying for quite a while.

( Posted by: SingChi [Member] On: July 27, 2006 )

Sometimes anger is better directed at fountains which deserve such emotion. You say that wish not to sound angry, yet the basis of your words, the gist, is fuel to a fire that you always use to light comments; ergo, anger.

( Posted by: Siah [Member] On: July 29, 2006 )

Siah, why do you always twist what I say around? I was meaning not 'to sound angry directly at you and purposefully hurt your feelings.' I have said something like that to other people and they got offended, I was hopping not to offend someone that time.
I guess you are right to say that 'the fuel to my fire' or what the hell ever you said. But some people (who point out others shortcommings and some things like shortcommings that are part of what makes one human) can add more fuel. Good job, buddy.

( Posted by: SingChi [Member] On: July 29, 2006 )

There you go again Sing Chi.

( Posted by: Siah [Member] On: July 31, 2006 )

another reply
Alright, I am calm. Siah, I am honestly curious, what is it that makes you concerned as to whether I get angry at comments like the above? What is it? Do you really care? This is the internet, you have no clue who I am or where I am, where I live, go to school and who my friends are. You know nothing of me, so why do you care if I get mad? Besides, anger is a natural thing. I don't like to bottle up my feelings, I've done that far too long, the end results are never pleasant.

( Posted by: SingChi [Member] On: August 1, 2006 )

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