Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
0.00

(0 votes)

You must login to vote

It’s the garden where roses meet
to display their petals to the curious eyes of people
that she lures me to after Sunday school. She’s elegant,
this girl, her perfectly carved hips wiggle as she caresses the petals,
hair flows like African rivers and her skin, a desert wrapped in chocolate.
As my eyes dance on her body, I feel my lips pleading to touch her...

The petals are turning brown, the petals are turning brown.

Once the clouds go grumpy and old
and begin to give the earth his much needed bath,
she grabs me, with her eyes, her seducing eyes
and pulls me into her bedroom- her haven of hidden fantasies.
Casually, her hands slither across her skirt, revealing her naked flower.
I close my eyes, for I feel lust, that cheeky, little girl deep in my heart
begin to break through the barriers of my will and take over my body.
As she removes my clothes with her eyes, I think of the roses outside…

The petals are turning brown, the petals are turning brown.

I lay on her bed, feeling her lips glide
upon the unscarred facade of my body, eradicating all pureness.
I feel god’s eyes watch me, beckoning me to fight my desire
but I’m weak, my soul tainted by lust and my body spoilt by her eyes.
She looks at me, her emotions tangled in her fantasies; she kisses my lips.
As I grasp her virginity, the roses in the garden begin to wilt…

The petals are turning brown

The petals are turning brown


------
Words are the droplets of paint i use to draw a story.


Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "Dying Petals"
by Sparx

Full Bloom
Very nice and enjoyable poem. Very well thought out. Not so sure it is about 'loss of innocense' as it is about the full blooming of the senses.

I particularly liked the lines, "Hair flows like African rivers..." and "...her haven of hidden fantasies." I think that is a good description of all our bedrooms.

Do you also draw and paint?

( Posted by: gomarsoap [Member] On: July 20, 2006 )

Dying petals
found this a playful, pleasurable, sensual poem. But with a sense of something ominous and foreboding in the background, which is what all our deepest desires or "hidden fantasies" are. There are some lovely images in here too, both lyrical and painterly, good word rhythms and thought pictures.

Not so sure about "eradicating all pureness" because "eradicating seems like such a clinical/brutal word, and this poem doesn't feel clinical or brutal. And maybe the word “purity” has a better ring to it? At least for me. Also I feel like I've read the line "soul tainted by lust" before, or many things very similar. The rest of the poem is so striking and original that that one half a line seems like a let down. Other than that, great poem, a really sensual, seductive read.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: July 20, 2006 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: