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When I was little I used to pray every night that I'd find my dream guy, tall, dark, with a big smile to match his warm heart. Send chills down your spine sexy and I'd kiss my pillow to end the prayer before I close my eyes and sleep.

Damn, what the hell happened. I'm in love, so much it hurts. My heart aches, my lips yearn my lovers lips. Its something I never expected this girl. This other girl. I still can't believe it. I'm in love with another girl.

I'm scared of so many things, being sentenced to an eternity in the earth's fiery depths, but then again the thought of losing her makes me want to jump off a bridge and what if one day she realizes that I really don't even deserve her. I love her so much, everything I believed in I'm going against.

Every second she's not near, every second she's not calling me, or messaging me, I'm waiting to hear for her, thinking about her. Wanting her and it scares me to say fantasizing about her. Another lady's body, all her perfect curves her long wavy hair and perfect lips. It is the scariest thing I've ever felt, this love. But all I want is to hold her hand walking through the mall, and hug her tight in the dark.

I need her love so much, more then she needs mine, far more, though she thinks that untrue. I struggle every day with this man how can I trust any other man and in my struggle I need someone to hold on to when I'm crying. She is my rock, the foundation of my heart.

I've never known a love like this. I've never known love. So will someone please tell me please should I feel this pain from my lover's kiss?



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The following comments are for "This Love"
by Deeha

the pain......
You feel pain because deep inside something is wrong and you know you cannot be happy. Conshensly you think it's all good, but the you inside yourself is looking out for you, and telling your heart to feel pain as a hint to say, stop this, leave it alone.

Soon it will get bad and then be over. I'm here if you want to cry about it when it happens.

( Posted by: SingChi [Member] On: July 9, 2006 )

Deeha
Deeha dear, what can I say? I don't agree with SingChi, not at all. Love, even "forbidden" love is always worth a chance and worth the pain and worth even hell. Don't censor yourself for anybody or any thing, move heaven and earth to be with this person, strive to deserve and earn their love and tell them whenever you can how much you love them and how they make you feel. There is no possible punishment more terrible than regret, I really believe that. It takes courage to love, to even admit to a love like this, and I understand completely how much it hurts and it burns. But I also know there are worse things, first amongst these is the awful ache of might-have-been. If you have an oportunity to make someone else happy, to snatch a little happiness, even for brief moments then do it, do it now, do it today, before it's too late. Giving love is the finest most beautiful thing a human being is capable of and most of us only get one shot at it. Even if, as Chi seems to think it will end in badly, even in the worst possible way, it's still worth it. Deeha, of course I don't know you and these are only one person's thoughts, so feel free to ignore me at will. But trust me when I say I know from whence I speak. I hope happiness finds you both.

Shannon

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: July 9, 2006 )





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