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Daylight fades
To mist gatherng
In your eyes.
Remember, I told you
Itís okay to cry.

Forever fades
To yet another day
To a silent interlude
Of twinkling stars
Defying the heavy clouds
Of the skyís misery.
Ďit would passí youíd laugh and say.
But your voice is a memory
Your laughter, music
I am desperate to hear.

Listen to the wind sigh.
Watch intently
those softly falling crystals
Shatter into a million more
In your closed windows.
Catch those raindrops, dearest.
Iím crying with you

------
"...yesterday is only a dream, tomorrow, but a vision..."


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Comments

The following comments are for "Rain"
by smms905

Excellent
Extremely well written poem. Great emotion and description. I like the fact that it is in essence a metaphorical poem as are pretty much all poems about the weather.

Forever fades
To yet another day
To a silent interlude
Of twinkling stars


Excellent imagery, flows on point too. Most poems about rain are very redundant but this did fit a remarkable exception.

( Posted by: Essence [Member] On: July 6, 2006 )

Captured
smms:

This captures the sense of longing, and of loss, very well. It is not mundane or cliche in anyway, even though some of the lines ("Your laughter, music" and "mist gatherng
In your eyes
") could be considered cliche, they are to the point and don't seem to linger too long. There is still a freshness that I see, and I usually can tell because I want to read it two or three times before I consider the intended message.

I agree with Essence, some very good metaphor -- there is strong imagery layered within each stanza -- the weather that invokes the emotions.

It is a good length, does not drag in the reading. A quick set of images that flash and then move away. Then the last lines sew it all together -- the reason for the poem.

Very nice:

BW

( Posted by: BWOz [Member] On: July 7, 2006 )





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