Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
9

(1 votes)


RatingRated by
9chapter1

You must login to vote

I'm going to try to tell a story this time, in haiku form

Please be seated dear,
Sit beneath the stars with me,
welcome summer's eve.

Each poet, in their heart,
Dreams of such an eve, moments,
Which they might spill ink.

Tonight I'm without,
A single tear in my pen,
That, I must express.

Without a feather,
Or other methods at hand,
I can't write to you.

Yet my lips are here,
The summer heat is waking,
To intwine our souls.

Please be seated dear,
Sit beneath the stars with me,
welcome summer's eve.

Summer is passion,
Spring's envy and winter his scorn,
Summer is my heart.

My heart is your heart,
Remember that, all is well,
Your heart is mine too.

Expression of love,
Though young, virgin to the touch,
Is my deep desire.

Combine our beauties,
Dance upon my sweetest lips,
And summer my heart.

Please be seated dear,
Sit beneath the stars with me,
welcome summer's eve.

------
Art is addicting, an addict am I,
truth is I, the truth am I, the truth a lie!


Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "Summer's Eve"
by Siah

summer sweetness
"Tonight I'm without,
A single tear in my pen,"

"combine our beauties,
Dance upon my sweetest lips,
And summer my heart."

If I don't read anything else today I'm glad I read these lines. Sweet, sincere, strong and sure. Like this one a lot.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: June 21, 2006 )

Siah's Senryu Story
Enjoyable read, this first day of Summer.

A suggestion: 2nd verse, "In each poet's heart"... 7th verse, perhaps: "Spring's envy, Winter his scorn," or: Spring's envy and Winter's scorn"...Would keep 5/7/5 form intact. Just suggestion, if that was design.

This reads more as poem or lyric, for me, with verses in a senryulike form. Caps, commas, periods, repeats, etc, ..But that's what makes this place...Freedom.

Repeats of 1st verse, as chorus, gives lyrical feel..A senryu-story-song..Cool!

Enjoyed,
Robert William

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: June 21, 2006 )

Thanks
Thanks for the comments. I shall look into those errors and revise them Bobby, and ars, always a pleasure to read a comment from you :D
I'll have to look into this senryu form.
till then,
Siah, out.

( Posted by: Siah [Member] On: June 21, 2006 )

Loved It...
very beautiful poetic and warming.

( Posted by: LMJ [Member] On: June 21, 2006 )

LMJ
I think this is a first, I've never got a comment from you before. Thanks for taking the time and Be Blessed.

( Posted by: Siah [Member] On: June 22, 2006 )

The story flows like a river...
You have been successful exploring the new frontier of haiku storytelling; I thoroughly enjoyed it! I love romanticism in poetry. Great work!
-Aubri, a. k. a. "Leopard Lady"

( Posted by: ArsPoet2789ica [Member] On: June 22, 2006 )

Siah,
yes this is a first, I have been away for a while and I was looking through the titles and this one caught my eye. I look forward to reading more of you.

( Posted by: LMJ [Member] On: June 22, 2006 )

Oh My!
The title first caught my attention. This is beautiful, beautiful the entire way through. This is the kind of thing that makes you just siiiigh.

( Posted by: MsTink [Member] On: June 24, 2006 )

MS TINK
Thanks for commenting MS TINK. TO make a woman sigh is always a good thing (at least as it is not out of boredom)

( Posted by: Siah [Member] On: June 24, 2006 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: