Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search

Average Rating

(1 votes)

RatingRated by

You must login to vote

I hear them running
down the hall

my children running
down the hall

noise so great
from feet so small

my children running
down the hall...

Now they're bouncing
on their beds

my children bouncing
on their beds

I worry that they'll
bump their heads

while they're bouncing
on their beds...

Now they're simply
knackered out

my children are just
knackered out

much too tired
to run about

or play or bounce
or laugh or shout

They been awake since
before the sun

They've run all day
and had their fun

Now for them
the day is done...

so I tuck then each in
one by one

and bid them all


(Whatever you think about the writing, whatever you do, PLEASE take the time to comment. I'm looking for constructive critism; blocks upon which I can build. THANKS!!! rajengineer)

Related Items


The following comments are for "Goodnignt Children"
by rajengineer

re: Goodnignt Children/Format

You're RIGHT!!! (seriously, you're right)

The presentation is SO much better. It looks good on the page that way.

So now, I'm going to unpublish it, and repost it with the new format. I'll wait a while, to give time for a few more comments first; once it's unpublished, it could be down for a few hours.

COOL... rajengineer :-)

( Posted by: rajengineer [Member] On: May 11, 2006 )

Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.