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*****
Feeling forlorn
and nearly
forgotten

Something's broken
inside of her

that cannot be
easily fixed

*****

She stands out
alone and on the corner

under the lamppost

all tricked out
in red neon and blue

against the brownish-grey
backdrop of filth-covered
old buildings and trash at
her feet

like a beacon
she signals

calls me in with her
"siren song"

and I slow to a crawl -
looking...

*****

There's something
broken inside
of me too

and I'm looking
for a quick fix

*****

the red neon's blazing
and the message is clear

OPEN...

so I reach across and release the latch
swinging the passenger door open

we pull off into the night

and soon,
sadness ensues

------
Robert

(Whatever you think about the writing, whatever you do, PLEASE take the time to comment. I'm looking for constructive critism; blocks upon which I can build. THANKS!!! rajengineer)


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The following comments are for "Sadness Ensues"
by rajengineer

not a cure all
This was a very sad piece...looks like she got more out of it than he did...at least she got some money...I knew a person who thought sex would cure everything from a cold to a broken window and he wasn't happy either...better days ahead...Kacee

( Posted by: nitz kitty [Member] On: May 10, 2006 )

rajengineer
I guess for me, it's sort of assumed that almost anybody/any woman in that situation has been abandoned, and pretty much forgotten. Now this feeling of abandonment could be rooted in alot of things. The early passing of parents; being raised in the household with the absense of love. Maybe there was a seperation/estrangement brought on by a grave misunderstanding. A poor lifestyle choice, and loved ones eventually got tired of trying. Something.

Nobody who is genuinely hopeful about life COMMITS to this kind of lifestyle. You have to give yourself over to a certain despair.

I'm mean, we aren't talking about a 19 year old stripping at bachelor parties for tuition money, are we? (said with a small smile...)

In my short life, I've been around, and I've seen all types of people. I made it a point to talk to many of them - including the homeless and hopeless. I tend to ask very pointed questions. What I found out was illuminating.

Some people are taken to the point of despair by circumstances beyond their control, while others inflict the pain upon themselves. Either way, these people have sort of given up. They may talk a good game about making some sort of come back, but for most of them, they've resigned themselves to a pitiful lifestyle.

I can identify with them on some levels; especially with respect to making poor choices or dealing with tragedy not of our own making. I just that god it isn't me.

*****

Now with respect to the first three lines, they weren't there at first. In reading it, I felt like I had to explain/touch upon how a woman could come to this point in her life.

If it works better without it, I'd be glad to take it out. Maybe we could get a few people to weigh in on that question...

rajengineer


( Posted by: rajengineer [Member] On: May 10, 2006 )

Sadness
I say keep in those first three lines...they give the poem a lot of feeling..Makes you think how a person could sink to this position in life...a girl who has to leave home because her stepdad is after her and her mom won't believe it and chooses her new hubby over her daughter...Or a girl with a Hollywood Dream being preyed upon by a pimp who promises her stardom and turns her into a drug addict instead...my heart breaks...Kacee



















( Posted by: nitz kitty [Member] On: May 10, 2006 )

Cannot be easily fixed...
I have to agree with Kacee regarding the first three lines of the poem. There's something bittersweet in that connection between the narrator and girl. Two strangers, different sides of the coin... yet it's all still one coin. Same story. Am I making any sense? Maybe if you snipped out the first word, "Feeling," to make it read, "Forlorn / and nearly / forgotten," it would make more sense to readers like the lovely Lucie, while keeping that ironic connection that appeals to the other side of the coin.

I've been working long hours so if absolutely none of that made sense, please forgive me! I do love the poem, though.

( Posted by: chinadoll [Member] On: May 10, 2006 )





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