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there are some among us
that are too cowardly
to use a gun

too timid to walk into
oncoming traffic or to
venture beyond the edge
of a cliff

razor blades won't work
as these people are
squeamish at the sight of blood

anybody's blood
but especially their own blood

so instead of the hangman's noose
applied to their necks with even
nervous hands

they kill themselves slowly
with bitter, poisonous thoughts

toxic dreams that wreak havoc
over time

eating away at the good
and leaving only stripped bones
and rotting, stinking entrails

a death as deceitful as
the lives they've lead

and remains not worthy of a
christian burial

------
Robert

(Whatever you think about the writing, whatever you do, PLEASE take the time to comment. I'm looking for constructive critism; blocks upon which I can build. THANKS!!! rajengineer)


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The following comments are for "Pulling ME Down"
by rajengineer

reply to windchime/Pulling ME Down comment
windchime,

I appreciate that you took the time to comment, but the comment itself has me a little lost. The first 3 lines are as follows:

"there are some among us
that are too cowardly
to use a gun"

There's nothing in these lines about the general population. Instead, it's about a certain type of person, who comes across as a toxin or cancer. The kind of person that is always surrounded by DRAMA. CONSTANT complaining, controversy and confusion.

They're angry and depressed; and if you're not careful, they'll make you that way too.

The gist of the poem is that these poinsonous, cancerous people should remove themselves from our lives, rather than infecting us, and dragging us down with them slowly.

In truth, I have met a few people like this - but more than that, I allowed myself to BECOME a person like this. I'd had so much going on in my life (marriage, mortgage, career, money) that I was always on edge. Unusually stressed, and always angry.

My normally pleasant disposition had given way to something else, and I'd become surly, and difficult in all things. I seemed to draw controversy like a magnet. It was affecting all aspects of my life, and making other people around me miserable too. I was so unpleasant that even my best friends didn't want me around.

Then, one day I had an epiphany, and this poem is what came out of it.

In writing it, I tried to look at myself thru someone else's eyes. I was ashamed and embarrassed at what I saw.

Writing this was the turning point in my returning to "myself".

Now with that said, if it doesn't really convey that, then it needs to be reworked. Definitely.

I'm just not sure about what you mean re: dropping out of general population. I'd like to understand what you mean; it could help me in refining the piece.

Thanks... :-)

rajengineer

( Posted by: rajengineer [Member] On: May 10, 2006 )

pull me

A dark downward spiral into mere manure-that's what I read. I went out of my way to learn how to use guns...nice powerful feeling, although I must say they are a bit creepy. They are so fatalistic; the other route is to let yourself decay while you are still alive. I like your poem alot although it moved quite quickly to the point. It touches on a real subject, that most people are engaged in doing with out even knowing it.
In my opinion cremation is better; the thought of maggots crawling in and out of my carcass is just too much.

Peace,

macbeth

( Posted by: macbeth [Member] On: May 10, 2006 )

Pulling me down
I liked your poem...speaks volumes ...and I was there...during my divorce I felt like I didn't care if I died or not...but I could have never killed myself...I wrote a haiku called Bubble Stew..about the poisonous juices eating at your insides...I was pulling everyone down with me to the point my kids booked me on a train to Florida and my oldest son fought a fog thick as pea soup to get me to the station in Pittsburgh...They really wanted rid of me...I stayed with my friend and her husband for a month...It was either that or be institutionalized...Kacee
PS ...Eric , love your new avatar...you handsome devil...

( Posted by: nitz kitty [Member] On: May 10, 2006 )

Pulling Me Down
I read it without reading comments came up with something different. After reading I thought it was talking about people who kill themselves at other levels, whether it be by overeating, smoking, being unhappy etc... and thought damn this is clever. I love when poetry can be many things to many people. But I admit I liked it even better after your explanation. I like your witt. Great write.

Nae

( Posted by: nae411 [Member] On: May 10, 2006 )





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