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If I knew what God thought
of me, I'd cheat to get
on his good side, quick.


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The following comments are for "Another Hillbilly Verse"
by williamhill

of course


I won't attempt to define haiku, let alone divine God's thoughts; but if I knew, I would too.

( Posted by: drsoos [Member] On: April 25, 2006 )

God's opinion
Well, I'd just bask in the knowledge that God contemplates the perfection of my being.

Kidding!

Nice little poem. Fun. Is it a haiku? I have no idea.

( Posted by: viper9 [Member] On: April 25, 2006 )

Haiku Snafu
Can't pull anything over on you guys, can I?

No, this is not traditional Haiku.

This is actually an American sentence ala Alan Ginsberg- with a hillbilly twist. I know some folks who write at least one of these each day.

thanks for reading- and keeping me honest;)

the hill

( Posted by: williamhill [Member] On: April 25, 2006 )

Hillbilly God
Wouldn't we all? We are only human, and cheating seems to be our 'easy way'. My hope? God knows!
Why not true haiku form? Is it to do with title?

"If I knew what God
thought of me I'd cheat, to get
on his good side, quick" ?

Really not trying to tell you how to write. You have shown me already that you know how. Just curious. 17 syllables is haiku, just wondering how you derived the line breaks-
Interseting thought, none the less. I consider myself honest, but why do I need to be? God knows?!
-Elizabeth

( Posted by: emaks [Member] On: April 25, 2006 )

Mr Dumas?
An American sentence allah Alan Ginsberg?

How disappointing. I thought that Charlie of all people already knew exactly what God thought. If Charlie doesn't really know what God is thinking, then I guess that most of what he's been preaching about God has really been nothing more than 5000 Dumashit quotes.

Alan Ginsberg is probably turning over in his grave out of sheer disgust about now.

( Posted by: TINKER [Member] On: April 26, 2006 )

Mr Dumas
Tinker wishes he were you and he's probably a homosexual too. That's why he called you a dumb ass.

( Posted by: 69BLaCKDEmONBLoODVOmIT [Member] On: April 26, 2006 )

Best Writer on Lit.Org
I think you're the best writer Lit.Org has.

( Posted by: 69BLaCKDEmONBLoODVOmIT [Member] On: April 26, 2006 )

Hillbilly Verse...
another good one, Charlie...God knows our hearts...I believe love is the answer, it's as simple as that...

Blessing, my friend...
Robin

( Posted by: Robinbird [Member] On: April 26, 2006 )

Charlie
I think this is great Haiku. 17 syllables and every word is but one. I believe that true Japanese Haikus is structured as 5/7/5 on the syllable count per line. I think you have it. The only "iffy" part to me is that Haiku should really show a contrast in some way -- you know, the old "elephants dance on the head of a pin" type of contrast. However, this one has a really clever irony about it that makes up for any lack of contrasting ideas.

I vote "Haiku of the Month"

BW

P.S.
As soon as Tinker gets the nerve to actually post some original thoughts we can all ignore him -- doing that already.

bw

( Posted by: BWOz [Member] On: April 29, 2006 )

Cheating
Charlie, I don't know who penned this originally but in a way it is kind of cute...but we all know the only way you can get back on God's good side is to do one thing ....REPENT...Of course that would have to be the left side cause Jesus sits on the right...Bless you...Kacee

( Posted by: nitz kitty [Member] On: April 30, 2006 )

taking sides
I somehow feel
that ain't gonna work.

Unfortunately, in this country, the left side is the driver's side.


john

( Posted by: johnlibertus [Member] On: May 28, 2006 )





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