Its late, I hate driving this late at night. I feel so lonely, so disconnected. Itís the only time I feel absolutely alone. The only sounds are the road under my tires, the soft hum of the engine. Once in awhile another car passes by, I try to catch a glimpse of the other lonely driver so I donít feel so alone however the headlights are to bright and the windows to dark and I miss my opportunity to not be alone. The ability to sit alone with yourself, is rare in these days with all the technology. There is always a way to keep in touch. This late no sort of technology other than the warmth of another body can cure someone of being lonely. The drive back to my house doesnít take longer than 10 minutes but it feels like hours. All I can think about is what I left behind and it unsettles me and makes the drive agonizing.
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Slowly I pull into my drive way. There are no lights inside my house. Everyone is sleeping. I park my car and slowly get out of my car. I stretch in the moonís light. Itís a bright moon tonight. Its one of those nights when you look up and try to push yourself towards your goals and you think that if you fall asleep when you wake up you missed your chance, the opportunity to accomplish all your dreams and goals. You feel like you failed because you didnít have the power to stay awake and take advantage of the light that shined even in the middle of the night.
After basking in the moonlight I walk towards my front door. I begin to feel uneasy I always wonder what will be on the other side of the door. I wonder if when I open the door all my families possessions will be gone because out of love, my mother left the door open so I didnít have to fumble with my keys. Could that act of love been turned into an opportunity for hate and invite the devil to come in and spill the blood of people who have seen me through everything. I feel a wave a guilt, followed by a wave apprehension as I begin to turn the knob. I gently open the door so that it wouldnít make a sound and I could sneak in without the dog barking and in turn waking up my parents giving them the opportunity to have some fodder against me in the morning when I complain about being tired and they say
ďYou wouldnít be so tired if you came home at a decent hour.Ē
As I walk into the small foyer that connects my kitchen and family room and also the stair case upstairs. I begin to grown anxious. The moons rays didnít seem to be encouraging anymore. No they turned more sinister and manipulative. The moons light cast shadows as I removed my shoes. I keep looking nervously around. I donít feel alone anymore no, I feel as if I am being watched I feel as if someone is waiting for me and is ready to strike. The moon moves behind a cloud and darkness consumes the little foyer. I look around waiting for my eyes to adjust. I am trying to untie my shoes but whenever I bend over to untie them I canít help to feel that someone moves behind me and slowly exhales deeply on my neck. The hairs on the back my neck stands up. I begin to shake and finally I get my shoes untied and snap up and look around. I donít see anything but the cable box showing the time. I reason with myself breathing in and out. I look down as I slip off my shoes. I look back up over to my side quickly. I feel as if someone is looking at me from the bathroom at the end of the hall. I have to catch my breath as I look up and in the mirror I see what looks like someone looking back at me other than myself. I blink to make the image go away and it does and all that is left is me staring back at the shaking figure I now am. I take the few steps to the kitchen and flick the kitchen light on. I sigh; my brain finally gets some temporary relief from itself. I canít keep the light on forever. I see the door to the basement. I love the privacy but nights like tonight walking down those dark wooden stairs is like walking through a graveyard in the middle of the night. I take a big breath in and shut off the kitchen lights. All the demons warded away by the light seem to come back in full force I run to the stairs and hold onto the side of the door as I stand on the top step looking down.
I take one slow step down, I close my eyes and tell myself its ok to go down another. I open my eyes to darkness it seems as if I never opened them. I inch down another step. As I step to the next stair it creaks under my weight. The creak sounded like a shriek from beyond the grave. I put it out my mind and continued my haunting decent. When I am towards the bottom I am overwhelmed with fear and I run into my room slamming the door behind me trying to catch my breath.
I finally feel safe as I crawl into bed. I reason that all the things I saw or thought I saw were just my imagination. I tell myself these things as I close my eyes and picture where I was not more than a half hour ago. The comfort of the one women I love. The thought sends all the demons all the noises all the feeling of insecurity back to where they came from, the world of the lonely.