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Climbing out of cotton
Standing on a chord
Struck by sunlight
On the cables of a bridge

Ampersand between us
You & me

Or the blinds I part
To look out for you
The thickness of the windowpane
Witness to all those aflame
With sunset on the hill

johnlovejr at hotmail dot com

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The following comments are for "Span"
by Flonigus

Nice work. I especially liked:

"Ampersand between us
You & me"

because in retrospect it seems so obvious, but it had never occurred to me before. The conjunction creates an obstacle. Nice. Observant.

( Posted by: Viper9 [Member] On: April 19, 2006 )

very solid
little poem. i liked it a lot.

j. jd.

( Posted by: johnjohndoe [Member] On: April 19, 2006 )

The brightness of a breath's breadth
One of the most poetic poems I've read from you -there's a glorious delicacy in that first image... in four short lines, I have the whole sense of the sacred simplicity in slipping from between sheets into that brief moment before the day grows complex... and spinning out over the city and meet the sun as it strikes a celebratory synasthetic chord on the cords of the suspension bridge... wonderfully evocative.

Is the ampersand an obstacle? I'd like to think perhaps it represents a sleepy entanglement: the very closeness (not even space for 3 letters) which emphasises the hair's breadth separation between 'you&me'.

And... I didn't see the sunset coming - still caught up in your morning... and can't decide if it neatly closes the poem or wrenches it too abruptly from morning to evening. Either way, the writing is good (solid? Yes. But oh, most ephemerally solid!)

( Posted by: MobiusSoul [Member] On: April 19, 2006 )

Viper, JJD, Lucie, Caitlin, and Others

I'm so glad to read the words and numbers from all of you. Thank you for taking the time.

I was aware that, as with much poetry, this piece would be like clouds in which we all see something different. "Here's to 'you & me', Kid" is sort of how I was thinking in the useage of that pronoun phrase. Simply saying that there was something "between us", also, is not a clear expression of the quality of the relationship- good or bad. Sometimes I get a little ornery; selfish; uncaring of the reader. Perhaps a good way not to have any.


I did see triteness in the phrase you mention, as well as in the peering through the blinds. It was the way the lines felt together that caused me to leave things as they were, for now. I liked the sound of the thing more than I wanted sterling originality or precise articulation of meaning. This weasle went pop, I guess.

Your visit and thoughts are always much appreciated, Ma'am. You are always helpfull. Thank you, and please don't stop- with me or anyone else here. We do need you.

Caitlin, you beautiful Brit,

The cotton was in my brain only, insulating a trance; the ampersand- indeed a bond. But how could you really know? I knew these things would be misleading or vague. You and Lucie make me more aware of my responsibility to the reader if I expect to be understood or deemed to be worthwhile. Thank you, Madam, for the eloquent comments.

~ John

( Posted by: Flonigus [Member] On: April 21, 2006 )

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