Minutia (R - Violence I guess)
by enforced bliss (Member) - published: September 24, 2002
Word Count: 124 Word Bytes: 697 Viewed: 906 times
Category - Flash Fiction
© Copyright by enforced bliss

7.5

(2 votes)

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The first time that he felt Sharon's lips brush his and tasted her mildly garlic breath. Standing beside her at the alter and marvelling at the ivory draped wonder who had just wept, "I do." Their son Jacob's first smile and the first time he said, "Daddy". The day they moved into their new house, one appropriate to the new junior partner of the firm. The vacation to Jamaica and Sharon and the beautifully cliched night on the beach under the equatorial starlight. The delivery truck marauding into the side of their SUV and Jacob and Sharon's battered bodies.
All flashed through Jason's mind in the time it took the bullet to leave the barell and paint his brains on the soft beige wall.

------
But would I be a good Messiah with my low self-esteem? / If I don't believe in myself would that be blasphemy? - The Bloodhound Gang Hell Yeah

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Comments

The following comments are for "Minutia (R - Violence I guess)"
by enforced bliss

With all due respect
Read Cummings,Miller, Joyce, Burroughs or a host of modern writers and you will find that silly little idiosyncrasies like "You must couple THAT with COULD et al" went out with petticoats.

On top of that, "the first time Sharon's lips brushed his" is a memory - like the first time that I fell off of a bike. There is no real need for a qualifier. The memory, the image is independant of any feelings associated with it. In this case there are no GIVEN feelings attendant on it.

Not to belabour a point, but you may use all of the standard American (ie bastardized and desicrated) English that you like, I am a Canadian and hence not subject to Americanisms (thank Christ)

And as a final comment, I am reminded of a British parlimentarian who, on having his grammar corrected, once said, "If proper grammar is to interfere with clear communication and a well-sounding phrase then up with this I will not put".

I own style guides of my own and could refer to them if I felt it warranted, thank you just the same.

As always I thank you for your critique and rest assured that I have given it it's proper consideration.

I am still as I have always been your humble servant,
Bliss

P.S. At the risk of inducing apoplexy I would like to point out that there is not a single modifier or complement in the whole story. One might almost think it was intentional.

( Posted by: Enforced Bliss [Member] On: October 1, 2002 )

to enforced bliss
Interesting piece, somewhat hackneyed as an excercise in mood conveyance, but interesting all the same. Quite poignant, but I think spacing between lines will add to the mood.

The style is suitable for this length and subject, any longer would be hard to take.

The quote from Winston Churchill is objecting to people's criticism on him putting prepositions on the end of a sentence. He is right, grammatically, that is allowed, so I kind of lost your point there...

( Posted by: Furius [Member] On: October 1, 2002 )

Canuck Bards and Yank Reviewers
Jessica: Whether your profession is in thye English field or not I have to wondere whether you have benifeitted at all from your purportedly expansive reading. I cited those specific authors specifically because they defied school marmish conventions to which you seem so devoted. Further, since your comment I have paid special attention in my reading to cases analogous to this. I have found such examples such literary lightweights as Vonnegut, Orwell and George Bernard Shaw - admittedly none of them was ever published by so prestigiousan outfit as a tattoo magazine so perhaps they pale before your erudition.

Further, Canada has a specific idiom as is evidenced by Oxford's perceived need to publish a specifically Canadian dictionary. We are NOT subject to Americanisms except where said Americanisms happen to agree with our usuage of the language. I hate to tell you this but you folk are not the sole arbiters of the tongue.

Third - I said with all DUE respect. Grab a dictionary and find outwhat due means. You will see then that I did give you what I consider to be "all due respect".

Furius: There areweaknesses but it was written in thespaceofabout 45 seconds, I thoughttheidea of a"snap shot" story seemed needand so I took one. All in all i am pleased with the result - flawed though it is.

As to my point in using Churchill's quote the question of what specific bit of grammatical nitpicking he was objecting to is moot.

( Posted by: enforced bliss [Member] On: November 9, 2002 )

Comments here
Blimey people. Have you all forgot what writing is all about? Feeling. He portrayed that, albeit minimally. So if he likes it then let's forget all that rubbish about grammar etc. Let's keep that stuff stored next to the book about "How to hem your own petticoat". I understood. That's all required.
Thank you.

( Posted by: Delgesu [Member] On: July 15, 2003 )

Harumph
Here I am, reading random offerings from Enforced Bliss and I come across this piece, which I thought was brilliant and fun and thoughtful all at once. Then the comments degenerate into drivel over proper English. The point of grammar is to enable clear communication. If a written work accomplishes its goal, if it communicates, then silly little grammatical mistakes are utterly beside the point.

Besides, Bliss, I'm with you -- I'm not sure much of a mistake has been committed at all.

To hell with it: I love this wee flasher and I'm giving it a 10.

( Posted by: Boy Howdy [Member] On: September 21, 2003 )

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