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dancing on the line
her dress
empty as she is

------
Not the poem which we have read, but that to which we return, with the greatest pleasure, possesses the power and claims the name of essential poetry.


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The following comments are for "Dress (Haiku)"
by Huni

Well...
Since I like traditional rule following haiku I must admit I don't admire your haiku much. Humbly I must say though, that you, honorable writer, have given thought through those words. In that sense I admire it. As a poem, free verse, it is a sun. As a haiku it is not there for me, a scribble on the wall.

( Posted by: Siah [Member] On: April 14, 2006 )

a scribble on the wall
Siah, what a wonderfully poetic comment. It is probably that English is not your first language, nevertheless I find your 'speech' intriguingly lovely. Thanks for reading my work. I admire yours, so it is a treat that you even liked it as a poem. As to Haiku rules - I followed them faithfully for some years then realised (for me) the constraints made it hard to get the spirit of Haiku in English. Rules are good though for discipline and to improve in other writings.

warm regards huni.

( Posted by: Huni [Member] On: April 14, 2006 )

Huni
Another humble response if you'd allow. I am an american, born in america, raised there for five years. I now live in (after flurry of movements) Curacao. English is my language I'd say, it is but an expression of who I am. I am trying a new form of speech I admit, and it befalls you well, then I have reached a point.

I shall visit again.

( Posted by: Siah [Member] On: April 15, 2006 )

Great
Huni, this is a great haiku. Really great.

And it is very traditional in the sense of detachment - "just as it is" - "just so" - without further comment.

It's been written that haiku written in English would ideally have around 12 or 13 syllables, to compare with haiku written in Japanese. An example of this is that many Japanese haiku when tanslated into English do not have the "required" 17 syllables that so many Westerners are hung up on.

I see that your haiku has 12 syllables - perfecto!

( Posted by: gomarsoap [Member] On: April 15, 2006 )

Dressed to impress
Merely seconding Gomar, really (too late and too sleepy for searing insight!)... but lighting on this before shutting down my machine was a joy. The syllable-count of a haiku has never meant anything to me; the import, everything... and so often, they're contrived or banal. This one is neither. It is a perfect glass-blower's bubble of more sweetness and sadness than should fit into those few sparse syllables. Neat. I like!

( Posted by: MobiusSoul [Member] On: April 16, 2006 )

Thanks to gomar, MobiusS, and Lucie
'just so; is how I like it. Thanks for your comment and encouragement gomar.

MobiusSoul, your comment was poetry in itself. Gave me joy. ta.

You can't help it Lucie, your intellect comes through with your thoughtfulness always. I love that you like this one. thanks

warm regards huni

( Posted by: Huni [Member] On: April 19, 2006 )





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