Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search

Average Rating

(0 votes)

You must login to vote

auther's note: this is very rough, i want to know if it makes sense! please give feedback! also, it's about my best friend and I, not a lover or whatever.

Me and you
2 girls at the dinner table
softly you touch my hand
and i know you
like the back of it.

My heart here
the memories we reminis
and meet eachother's eyes
Theory of society, gender, love.
Theory of food and friends. "Let's go."

Both wore make up
you did your hair
your eyes dark and mysterious
everyone is watching.

We leave the only girls
tiptoe on Febuary ice to your car
laughter and turning insides.
"fuck valentine's day, you my valentine."

someday could be today...

Related Items


The following comments are for "Valentine's Day"
by ruina

shows promise
the narrative could flow more easily with some work. Reading it aloud, it jars a bit but doesn't have to. Make sure you don't lose that great sense of tension, the closeness, the distance, the want to, the can't.


( Posted by: wrdekle [Member] On: April 13, 2006 )

Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.