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I hide behind your suicide

I turn my back against the pain

I challenge them to look inside

If they can see beyond the rain

I dread the state of loneliness

I cry myself to sleep

I just long for your caress

Your promise you must keep

Your voice it whispers compromise

It cackles beyond belief

Soon youll become something I despise

Youll cease to be my relief

Your color it goes

As the red puddle grows



I stand inside a little church

Staring at your pale face

I back in to the corner and lurch

Hopelessly my mind begins to race

Weakly I begin to scratch at the wall

I dont know what to do

Suddenly I am sick of it all

And its all because of you

I cant stand to see you there

Laying in that black casket

What could cause you such despair?

That is my question, but its too late to ask it

My thoughts they flow

As the tear puddle grows



I walk up to the dismal gate

I stare at the distant scene

I think about your gloomy fate

It makes my face start to turn green

I stumble while climbing down the hill

I rip my black lace glove

I choke back my tear like a jagged pill

As I come across a dead dove

The pitiful being looks so cold

Its icy gaze upon the sky

I look at it as the time unfolds

And all I can ask is why?

The snow flakes they blow

As the ice puddle grows



I watch as they lower you in the ground

I wipe the tears from my face

I stand there not making a sound

I just long for your embrace

I already feel the loneliness

Growing deep inside me

Ive settled into a state lowliness

I am one I do not want to see

Again I begin to softly cry

I cant control my emotions

Its so hard to tell you good-bye

I sway one hand with a subservient motion

The rose petals flow

As the rain puddle grows



I stand upon a lonely grave

The wind blows and shakes the trees

You were one I could not save

I cry and slump to my knees

I place one hand upon the stone

I drop the rose to the dirt

I think of how you left me alone

Broken promises cause so much hurt

Your voice no longer whispers to me

It no longer sings its song

You and I were meant to be

I dont know where it went wrong

My tears they flow

As the mud puddle grows



I stand outside this condemned home

I stare at its broken windows and foundation

Its as if its surrounded by a depressing dome

It gives me a momentous sensation

I stroll down the fractured worn path

I take in a deep gasping breath

This house gives off an unwelcoming wrath

It reeks off apathy and death

I back away from the decomposing shell

I try to get the courage to go inside

I dont know if I can go back to where you fell

Ill try and wait until my sorrow subsides

The ground water flows

As the leak puddle grows



I rest upon the rotting deck

I fix my eyes on upon the dying Oak

This home has become a complete wreck

The stench of death here makes me choke

I turn and face the busted swing

I lightly touch the wood

I reflect on how we used to sit and sing

Back when the times were good

I walk over to the large front door

I stare at its elegant wonder

Im surprised Im here to see it once more

This too will, by death, will be taken under

The muddy water flows

As the sludge puddle grows



I look around this vacant space

Dust covers the shattered mirror

I remember how it framed your face

It has been not quite a year

This place, it seems so distant now

I walk from room to room

Through my thoughts the memories plow

Of how you met your doom

This house brings back the isolation

The cobwebs, the dust, the smell

It calls out a cry of desperation

Ive let this place go to Hell

The rust water flows

As the orange puddle grows



I need to get out of this desolate space

Its starting to drive me insane

In everything I look at I see your face

Youre crying and I can feel your pain

I wander down the hall back to the front door

Ive had enough of this nonsense

Everywhere I look is misery and gore

I dart and back up alongside the iron fence

I will enter that house never more

I close the gate behind me as I leave

It creeks and moans as it locks

The emotion I feel is something no one should conceive

To clear my mind I take a walk around the old city blocks

The rain drops flow

As the gutter puddle grows



I wander about this ramshackle town

People stare as if I were a disease

I keep my head high, though Id like to put it down

People can think as they please

This town has changed so much

Its hard to believe how it was

Its lost all of its welcoming touch

It seems like it doesnt affect me, but it does

With out you here beside me

People turn their heads

Ashamed of what they are forced to see

They dont realize that we all wind up dead

The rain it flows

As the street puddle grows



I walk down the main street of the city

I pass the restaurants and shops

I receive stares of what I know is unrepressed pity

They come from the familiar eyes of the local cops

I try to hide my look of sorrow

But its so hard to make it less obvious

I know people wonder if I'll be here tomorrow

I almost laugh at how people can be so oblivious

At times I wish the whole world was blind

So they could not see my tears

I know for a fact that I would not mind

If not even I could see my fears

My mascara flows

As the black puddle grows



I watch as the sun sets in the west

Its a beautiful scene from here on the hill

Its times like these I remember best

Even with the bite of the winter chill

I have wound back upon your grave

The sunsets were always better with you

To hold your hand is what I crave

I wish there was something I could do

I wish you could see this fire-paved sky

From now until my end I will beg you to appear

On your grave from here on I will lie

Until I walk with you in the free and clear

My mind it flows

As the water puddles grow



I lay awake staring at the stars

Thinking of how things were before

I listen to the sounds of the far-off cars

Through my mind the thoughts of us soar

I close my eyes and listen to the night

Its so peaceful deep within this yard

To most people this state of mind would cause fright

But to me its something I dont like to disregard

I let the night take me over

Not caring what happens anymore

To my chest I hold a clover

This had become a frequent lore

My memories flow

As the dew puddle grows



I awake from the deep sleep I had fallen into

I wipe the sleep from my eyes

Over the night I came at peace with you

I have let out all of my cries

I havent felt so clean in a year

Youll always still be with me

Youll for ever be my dear

For now Ill let my mind go free

I'll seek the help I need

I'll leave this town and start fresh

I'll do this with a rapid speed

I'll join you one day in the flesh

My thoughts they flow

As the rain puddles grow



I hid behind your suicide

I turned my back against the pain

I challenged them to look inside

They couldnt see beyond the rain

I dreaded the state loneliness

I cried myself to sleep

I just longed for your caress

Your promise you did not keep

Your voice it whispered compromise

It cackled beyond belief

You soon became something I despised

You ceased to be my relief

My tears stop their flow

And the puddle stops its growth


------
DJ '08


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by DiviJordison





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